Infomercials

Hello again my faithful blog followers!

Today's theme is infomercials (bet you didn't guess that one). I love infomercials!! I want basically all the items I see. However, after some late night t.v. watching, I have developed yet another Top Five list. For those of my dear friends reading this: Yes, I am serious and yes I really do want these and yes my birthday is March 26 :)

-5. The Perfect Brownie Pan

Yes, you read that right negative 5. I started this list with the idea in mind that all of these would be items I want. I worked on this list bizackwards (starting at 1, so technically forwards but bizackwards from the way you are currently reading it) and I felt that I must include this simply because this may be the one infomercial product I despise, loathe, and all together am just not fond of, with that in mind...

Why I do NOT want this item: I hate side brownies. Sick, gross, ewwy, chewy, yuck. I prefer the middle ones, and really who eats the edges?! (0:45 in video) I have NEVER seen that! NOBODY LIKES THE EDGES!! If you do, I'm not implying you're nobody, just disturbed and I can give you the number of some people who can help you with that :). The patent pending design isn't helping their case much either. The one thing I do like about this commercial is the brownie ideas- aka the banana split brownie I had never heard of or tried those before and oh goodness are they good!!

Things included besides the product:

-Stencils!! Wow...like I couldn't free hand a circle (fyi I can).

- Recipe Book

Things I do like: I like the integrity of this item...no cutting brownies. The less I'm around knives the better. I'm sure it'd great for rice krispy treats and that kind of thing....maybe even cake squares, but for heaven sake not brownies!!

5. One Touch Can Opener

Why I want this: Ok y'all I do realize I don't cook...at all. However, I still want it for those few times I do cook. I am not one of great strength, and I hate can openers after a (literally) scarring incident which involved a cheap can opener and my poor tiny hand. This item, however, eliminates any possibility of me being cut or otherwise scarred by said can opener and everything can be done with the push of a button!!

Things included besides the product: The Gripmate (included absolutely free) is also a plus, its a JAR opener!! Yes, ladies and gentlemen a can opener and a jar opener- not in one but close enough.

What I don't like: I haven't tried this out, so it might not work. Plus, this whole can opening thing could be avoided if I just didn't cook. :)

4. Big Top Cupcake

Why I want this: I LOVE cupcakes!! They are basically the only thing I can bake and not burn, undercook, or otherwise ruin the integrity and actual being of. (Yes I realized I just ended that sentence in a preposition, but I couldn't find a way to reword it...did I mention it's late?) Anyway, I know for a fact this product works as one of my sister's friends made her a birthday cake using this exact mold and it looked just like, if not better than, the pictures!! Woah, crazy I know!! It also has a MAGIC INSERT if you want to fill it with ice cream, pudding, another kind of cake, money, or illegal aliens (well it is 25 times bigger than a regular cupcake like I'm actually doing that math..). I think the best part about this item is the commercial, I'm not kidding. Now, it's no Billy Mays masterpiece (may he rest in peace) but it made me laugh. I have included the video above... now, fast forward to 0:50 and watch the kids in the background....

Yeah, you're laughing too, don't deny it.

Things included besides the product:

-Magic Center Insert (again for those fugitives you're harboring and just need a way to get them out of the house)

- Idea Book (They mentioned a clown cake...not sure how I feel if that's the best they can do)

-3D cookie cutters (a $20 value absolutely free!)

What I don't like: The cake pieces look weird, I know it's stupid but i mean the pieces are oddly shaped and HUGE!

3. Bottle Tops

Why I want this: I am forever running into the problem of de fizzed canned drinks. I like can drinks for 2 reasons: 1) They taste better no because they don't have a plastic-y taste and 2) They are the perfect size. This item is the perfect solution to my problem!! Plus, they won't spill in my immaculate car or at my desk at work.

Things included besides the product: As far as I can see, the only thing included is 12 of the item. When in the world will I need to simultaneously drink 12 canned drinks at once?

Things I don't like: I'm pretty sure it will leak...I'm a skeptic.

2. The Jupiter Jack

Why I want this: Many reasons, mostly because Billy Mays makes me believe I NEED this.

I talk on the phone and drive (bad I know....shame on me) and this solves my problems!! Yay!

Things included besides the product: Not one, but 2 Jupiter Jacks!! For my second car...

which I don't have.

What I don't like: Despite the credibility of Billy Mays, I'm not sure if this will work due to

my iPod FM converter thingamabobbit not working correctly!!

1. Roomba

Why I want this: It's a ROOMBA!! Don't tell me you don't want one too!! It'd be perfect for my room, since I hate cleaning and vacuuming. Plus, its a robot!! So not only does it suit my nerdiness, it must follow the 3 laws. It works, as I've seen, and I WANT IT.

Things included besides the product: Nothing, but why would I need 2 and what is cooler than this?

What I don't like: It's a little creepy, it knows too much and I can totally see it starting to clean just when I fall asleep.

You Might be Tiff's friend if...

While changing computers I came across this file I forgot I had, constructed by my friends and myself. It started off as a "How you know you're Tiff's Friend" list, then inspired by Jeff Foxworthy I turned it into the list you see before you! Feel free to add to it!

You Might be Tiff's Friend if...

- You never directly call Starbucks for their hours, you just call Tiff because she already knows them...for all the locations in The Burg.

- You never leave the table at a restaurant to use the bathroom first...you never know when if might be your birthday!

- You don't consider it odd if a 19 year old girl has her bedroom decked out in Disney Princess merchandise

- you automatically think someone is mad when they have a deep southern accent

- you don't consider it odd to meet a friend at Vinny's while she is in mime makeup

- Hot pink no longer burns your eyes

- you know all the words to most broadway songs, and deeply dislike showtunes

- You know all the words to Taylor the Latte boy

- You don't really like theater,but you go to at least one play every two months

- you know who laquisha sha nay nay and/or La Fawnduh are

- You refuse to get in a car with Tiff as the driver ever again

- you attend her 19th b-day party and nothing has changed since the 5th one, including the theme

- You start saying ya'll without realizing it

- you're no longer shocked that a girl who cannot correctly pronounce "epitome" reads 5 book a week

- You can finish the phrase "Life is like pool...."

- you don't think it's weird for someone to carry 3 decks of cards in their purse, 2 of which you are not allowed to touch

- you're not offended when she says "I kill you"

- you're surprised you don't have to give your friend directions to place in lynchburg, aka their hometown

- When someone says "I have a new magic trick..." you automatically groan and walk away

- you no longer have to ask "where'd you get that?!" you automatically assume J.Crew.

God loves me? God loves me!

I know it's been awhile since I've posted a blog, and for that I do apologize. However, I had exams and come on people its Christmas!!



So here's whats on my mind today: Love.



What brought this up? A text message, plain and simple. Here's what it said:

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. . .Because you are precious In my eyes, and honored, and I love you. -Isaiah 43"



Those three simple words: I. Love. You.



Let's be honest, the first time you heard those words from a guy I know what 99% of women felt. Suddenly, there was a while meadow of butterflies in your stomach. You turned red, your adrenaline kicked in, and you couldn't think straight.



However, lets say your mom says "I love you" before you go to bed at night. Completely differnt reaction: You feel safe, secure, loved.





Now I have a tight group of friends and we all say I love you when we leave each other. No butterflies, not the security of a parent, but the feeling of acceptance.


The text I received was from one of my very best friends, and the reason I received it is because she knew I was going to face something hard for me that day. I had never read that verse or chapter before so it was new to me and what stuck out to me were those three words: I Love You.

God Loves Me. A simple statement, any child who has been to Sunday school can tell you that God loves them. It is another thing to realize He really does love you. It took me a minute, because when I read it, my thoughts went something like this: "God loves me. God loves me?"
In a world where 6th graders tell their boyfriends and girlfriends of 3 days that they love them only to break up with them an hour later, and a place where parents tell their children they love them, but ignore them, some people don't know love. It's a hard thing to comprehend and I'm not claiming I do. I do know this though:

I'm not perfect, read the rest of my blogs, I make mistakes I even make typos! I'm messy, skatter minded, irresponsible at some times, I lie, I've cheated, I'm vain, I've disobeyed my parents. I'm a sinner. I've done things I shouldn't have, I'm a long way off from being perfect.

However, the most perfect being in the universe called me by name. I am HIS. Not yours, not anyone else's, His. If I go through the water, when I can't see when I'm scared, He's there with me, holding me up like a dad holds his child up in the pool. In His eyes, I am precious. He loves me. I can't stop that. I didn't do ANYTHING to deserve it. Yet, He still loves me, sins, mistakes, and all.

Not just me, He loves you too. You are precious in His eyes. When YOU go through waters, He will be there with you too.

He loves US.

Remember that.

Embarassing!

Friends, family, randos on blogspot, and people that have been ordered to stay at least 100 yards away from me:



Welcome to what I anticipate to be one of the funniest Tiffessions of all time.



First, let's define Tiffession, shall we?



Tiffession- (n.) The act of Tiffany confessing things that others may find humorous.

That was the funniest Tiffession of all time!

Synonyms: Tiffmission, Tiffknowledgement, and Tiffclosure.





Now that we have that out of the way, on with the show!



Today, someone asked me an interesting question. They meant it rhetorically, as it was a rhetorical question, and it got me thinking. The question was this: "You don't ever get embarassed, do you?" Of course we all knew my answer..."Are you trippin?! Of COURSE I get embarassed! Probably more than most people!" As I said, it got me thinking, what are my top embarassing moments? Well I thought, and thought some more (a big task for me) and came up with this:

Top 5 Tiffessions List

5. Two years ago, I starred as Truvy in Steel Magnolias. During one of the practices, my line was "I am the epitome of Winter." I pronounced it "ep-i-tome" not "epid-i-me". To this day I still haven't lived it down.

4. Again, a Steel Magnolias story. At one point during the show, Shelby-a character who has diabetes- gets low blood sugar and almost goes into shock. Obvisouly this is a very dramatic scene. As Shelby is about to go into shock Truvy (I) put a mint in her mouth, but she spits it out. We had rehearsed this flawlessly. However, one night during the 2nd night of the show, when shelby spits it out, the mint managed to go down my shirt. Since it is very obvisous, the ENTIRE audience noticed and laughed, and I had to go through the rest of the first act with a mint stuck in my shirt- not very comfortable at all!

3. Another theatre story: I was once in a church play, and form the time we had been measured for costumes and the time of the acutal play I had put on a few pounds, so I decided to wear Spanx. Now the way a mike works we women usually hook the battery pack onto our bra or pants for easier costume changes. Mine fell off as I was about to go onstage, and in the hurry I was in I got my fellow actor to fix it for me. Before I had a chance to tell him I was wearing spanx, he yelled into my live mike "TIFF YOU'RE WEARING SPANX?!" Yes, the entire audience did hear that. Yes, I did get comment afterwards. Yes, I was embarassed.

2. My family and I like to go to Great Wolf Lodge in the Summer, which is an indoor waterpark/hotel aka coolest place in the world. This summer when we went there were some very cute college boys lifeguarding. Now, they had set routes they had to walk on the side of the pool. So, if one were to jump in they would hear anything and everything they said before and after they jumped in. My mom is a rather loud person and enjoys emabarassing me when she knows I'll laugh about it later. This set up was no exception. Mom jumped in the water before me and right before she did she said "Tiff he's really cute!" The lifeguard was literally 3 feet away from me. I didn't hear her and jumped in. When she started laughing I didn't understand why and asked her, she then told me. The lifeguard heard her tell me and laughed even harder. Of course, I turned bright red and didn't talk to my mom for the rest of...5 minutes haha!

1. I was running late for a play that I was in, so being the kind of person I am I decided to just drive to the theatre and do my hair there. Now, this doesn't sound like a big deal to most people however, this entailed me driving to the theatre in full makeup with rollers in my hair. Now stage makeup is different than regular makeup in that it is 2 shades darker than regular makup and most people look...well...scary upclose. So there I was in my car, on the way to the theatre with curlers in my hair when I, of course, hit a stoplight. I was doing some last minute rehearsing when, lo and behold who pulls up beside me but they guy that I had had a crush on for 4 months. I didn't even notice until he beeped his horn. When I turned to look it was him and his 2 very cute friends. Thankfully the light turned green and needless to say I sped off as fast as my little infinity would go!

Toys R Us, creepy dolls, and epic Light Sabers

The other day, my friend Parker and I went to Toys R Us. (Or as my dear grandma whom I love dearly calls it "Toys of Us")





No, I'm serious. Hopefully, you would know that if you know me!





Here's how it went down:





We parked the car, and I immediately felt the familiar rush of adrenaline as we mad eour way toward the automatic doors. A gust of air rushed past us as we stepped through the threshold into what I consider one of the best places on Earth. Immediately, we are drawn to the first lightup fuzzy toy we see. After about five minutes I turn to my right and see the most awful thing in the world: A section devoted to Twilight.





Ok, for all you Twihards, I do not apologize. I've seen the movie (the first one, you are seriously disturbed if you think I'm paying $10 to see the 2nd) and read the wiki on the books. Not impressive. Personally, I think it is a bad influence for the teenage girls reading it. How many girls have you heard say "I want a guy just like Edward"? Case and point.





Moving on, I quickly skipped over that section and continued on our mission: Star Wars light sabers. Well, you all know me, I get distracted easily and this was worth the distraction. As I continued down the aisle, a wonderous sight I did behold: A Snuggie. Not just ANY Snuggie, oh no dear friend, a SASSY Snuggie! A PINK Sassy Snuggie to be exact! As I stood in awe for a moment, I realized: I MUST have it! So, I picked it up without skipping a beat and continued on. After awhile, Parker noticed and asked me about it. My response: I want it.

We continues on in search of our item: lightsabers. I'll take this moment to point out we were buying them for a "White Elephant" or "Dirty Santa" party for our Bible Study, RUF.

So we went through the Barbie section, and half and hour later came to the end of it. It took half and hour not because its that big, but because we...ok I wanted everything. We then crossed the invisble line that appears at all Middle School dances, the "boy/girl line". You know the line, it seperates the boys from the girls and NOBODY crosses it. Ladies and Gentlemen of blogworld, I crossed that line in Toys R Us. When we did, a terrible horrifying thing happened: We heard about 40, no lie, 40 babies giggle and coo. We looked at each other and said the same thing, "Where the heck did THAT come from?" We turned and saw a WALL yeah a WALL of motion sensor baby dolls. I of course not being freaked out by baby dolls at ALL laughed and went on while Parker proceeded to have a minor breakdown. Ok, all those who know me can now stop laughing and texting me telling me I'm a BFL (Big Fat Liar). In fact the opposite happened. Parker kept her cool while I freaked out. I hate baby dolls. They scare me. a LOT. It seems that whenever I'm in a stoer with my mom and there are baby dolls around, they mysteriously appear from around corners calling my name in a voice similar to my moms.

Anyway, we continued past the creepy baby doll wall- we have video- and after 10 minutes of searching found our prize: the lightsabers. Having wasted enough time as it was, we grabbed them and ran to the checkout. They were a hit at the party, especially after we started using people's lightsaber phone apps. To say the least it was epic.

So dear readers, I Wish you a very Merry Christmas!

Love, Tiff

Top 10 Favorite Things about Thanksgiving

I'll give you three guesses as to what this blog is about. 4th of July! EXACTLY!! No! If you guessed that you're wrong. So wrong in fact you need to stop reading my blog...now.

For those of you left: my select dear friends, randos on blogspot, and those who disregarded my instructions (I'll find you- mark my words) Yes, this is about my top 10 favorite Turkey Day traditions/food.

10. Butter.
It's in everything, and I love it. One day I hope to eat a fried stick of butter.



9. The awesome night's sleep you get after eating a turkey.
Not SOME turkey...A turkey...a full blown "gobble gobble" turkey.



8. No School.
Duh.



7. FOOTBALL!!!
Insert laugh here.



6. Stuffing.
It's basically really buttery bread you can put gravy on and put on top of turkey...or anything. Like a roll, only you can put more gravy on it.



5. Rolls.
Warm, buttery delicious, fluffy, buttery rolls...did I mention buttery?



4. Black Friday
Technically the day AFTER Thanksgiving, I don't usually go out on that day (usually sleeping off the 500 lbs I gained the day before) but I love sales, and just knowing there's one going on makes me happy. Ok, I'm not that much of a shopaholic, but sometimes the sales go longer than Friday (like SATURDAY).



3. Tukey.
It's Thanksgiving, nuff said.



2. Sweet Tea.
I'm addicted anyway, but it just tastes better at Thanksgiving. Maybe because everyone else makes it with like a pound of sugar! As much as I love my mommy, we both know I think she needs more sugar in her tea. =) (And before she rebuttles this: Yeah I know I'm not supposed to have too much sugar....haha. But that's what makes her a good madre)


1. GRAVY.
No, I'm NOT kidding. I LOVE gravy. I need turkey, mashed potatoes, and stuffing to go WITH my gravy. As I told one of my friends once, "If I could put gravy in an IV, I totally would do it."


Yes, I realized "Being with Family" isn't on the list. Why? They drive me crazy!! No, just kidding! Actual reason: Being with them is so great its off the charts. =)


So, in closing. Friends, family, randos, and mildy less smart people who didn't know what month we were in:

Happy Thanksgiving! I Love Y'all!

<3 Tiff

The Lorelai to my Rory- A Tribute to Sweet Mama T

This week was my mom's birthday and, no, I'm not telling which one (it's in the 2-digits).





With birthdays comes the inevitable question for friends and family of said birthday girl/boy "What do I get them?"




See, this was particularly hard for me to answer because no present would be good enough for my mom. Not because she would thing it wasn't good enough. Quite the contrary, I'm pretty sure if I made her a macaroni picture, she'd love it. No, I wouldn't think it was good enough. Personally, the only present I think would be good enough for mom is this:

For those uneducated in the world of Tiffany & Co. allow me to explain. That is the Tiffany Diamond, one of the biggst diamonds in the world, only worn by 2 people the latest being Audrey Hepburn. As much as I love Audrey, my mom deserves not only to wear this but to OWN it.

As is stated in my title, mom is the Lorelai to my Rory, it's a Gilmore Girls reference. (and if you don't know what I'm talking about get out from under the rock your living under and google or wiki it.)

If I screw up (which is often) Mom's there to not just tell me what I did wrong, but to tell me how to fix it, prevent it, and to forgive me.

She has sacrificed so much for me, I can never repay that.

Even after going through so much, she is still one of the strongest Christians I know, and someone I can look up to.

Like Rory, I can live in my own little world and like being alone. Mom, like Lorelai, tells me when I've gone into "hermit" mode and pulls me out of it.

If I need advice, I know where to go. Even if I don't want it, I'm gonna get it. And usually, to my dismay, she's right.

Correction: In all my experience whenever I say "You're wrong" within and hour to 6 months I'm going to come back with a "Oh...by the way...you were right"

When I was little, she scared the clowns from underneath my bed...even tho she was one once (true story)

When I had my heartbroken she was there to tell me "All boys can be stupid"

If I had asthma problems late at night, even after I fell asleep she was the one still awake making sure I was waking up to do my medicine.

She taught me how to do my hair, and which shade of foundation to buy.

She's the one I can always go to, even if we're not seeing eye to eye, I can count on the fact she will be there for me.

She knows me better than I know myself, again, to my dismay at some times.

She can still hang with the college kids (don't believe me? look at her wall!)

She makes anything fun. Even running through the rain...in dresses and heels...

She puts up with my insanity...not an easy feat.

She taught me how to make people laugh

She pushed me when I said "I can't"

She stopped me when I said "I can" and shouldn't have

She made me laugh when I wanted to scream, made me smile when I wanted to cry, and made me laugh when I was just smiling.

She did my hair and makeup for Prom, and made me feel like a real Princess...she even defaced one of my friends while doing THEIR makeup for Prom to make me look better =)

She helped me improve my art

She wasn't afraid to tell me "you can do better"

Even though I know I can drive her crazy, and vice-versa, I know I can count on her. My mom is the best, and I challenge anyone to defy me. I hope that when (if) I grow up, I can be half the person my mom is.

So Mom, Happy Birthday, I love you.