The other day, I was talking with an acquaintance in class about our friends. I came to realize I had a lot of "friends". However, I also realized that my Best Friends were the ones you read about in Chicken Soup books. Here are 3 of my most recent stories on them (put in a series) - note: all of them are different friends and names have been taken out to preserve their humbleness. Plus, I didn't ask permission to mention them on the blog :).
If it looks like a thug, tries to talk like a thug, it's probably a nerd
Tonight, I had class. It was a night class from 7-9:40, at CVCC in a dark scary parking lot. The majority of people in my class honestly scare me a bit. They've never done anything to me, but their demeanor scares me. Long story short: They're thugs. Straight up, chains etc. thugs.
I am not.
Big surprise I know, so tonight when I went to class I decided to look more thug-ish. So I went to my J.Crew and Old Navy infested closet to look for thug clothes. I came out with: Dark jeans, black shirt, chain-like necklace (don't judge it was last season), and leather jacket. I was thug.
I pulled into the parking lot and parked by a chain link fence, sketchy at best. I then walked in with some of my classmates, I was on time so they weren't sketchy...that sketchy.
When I sat down I texted my dear friend (referred to as Friend #1 from henceforth) Here's the convo:
Me: Can I avert thugs by wearing a leather jacket and chain like jewelry?
Friend #1: Haha no they're still gonna mess with you
Me: Dang homie
Friend #1: Haha why are you trying to avoid thugs?
Me: My night class, I don't get out till like 10
Friend #1: Can you find someone to walk out with?
Me: Only if I sell my kidney... or liver
Then class started so I stopped texting to pay attention. When we reached break, before I checked my phone a thugish guy beside me saw my notes. He said "Hey girl, can I ask you a question?" I being my usual self said "Yeah ok" thinking it'd be inappropriate at best. He then responded, "How'd you get your notes to print out all neat like that? I mean you look like you know computers but is it easy?"
So much for me being thug. I then explain the process via MAC and PC. I'm a nerd.
When I checked my phone, I found this text:
Friend #1: You're parked under a light, you'll be fine.
Moral of the story?
A friend will tell you "you'll be fine" when you tell them you're parked in a sketchy parking lot. Best Friends will stalk out your car to tell you your fine, you're parked under a light.
While exploring one of my favorite websites (thinkgeek.com) I found about a hundred kabillion things I want. The following series is the list(s) and explanations of these items.
B) Great for when the power goes out and your in the shower. Trust me on this one - there is nothing scarier than being in the shower when the lights go out. Plus, if it was the doing of an intruder how freaked out would they be to see the water is glowing?
C) The color changes as the temperature does - Blue for cold and Red for warm!
By sun, a normal umbrella. By rain, a shimmering rain protecting implement that has glowing raindrops AND the bottom lights up too so you can see where you're going (which is important for me, as I have a small tendency to trip on things I only think are there).
At this point I feel I have a confession to make, I have a thing for nerds. I don't mean the "oh, he likes math" kind of nerd - not at all. I mean the "I carry a calculator and pocket protector everywhere I go and can recite Pi to the 57th decimal" kind of geek. As a side note, I can recite Pi to the 15th decimal.
When you buy this heart, you must assemble it. That's the whole point! To put it together for your boyfriend/girlfriend/prom date/cute guy you have a crush on. In fact the website states:
"We won't lie...You'll need some basic soldering skills and it took one of our robotic monkeys about an hour to assemble one of these flashing beauties."
If a guy gave this to me I'd date him in a heartbeat.
Stay Tuned for the next in my series of Nerdocities!
Let's talk about my last post/facebook status (basically the same thing). Some people took this WAY too seriously, I do NOT hate Liberty. In fact, up until a week ago I was a student there. It's my understanding Liberty uses a 3rd party site filter and my blog somehow entered "adult content" it could have been something as simple as some words put together make some other words that would set the filter off (example: Mars Explorer). Liberty did not randomly find my blog and block it.
Now, I will definitely take most of the blame because I said "Liberty blocked my blog" what I should have said was "Liberty's filter blocked my blog". For that I really do apologize.
Now, let's talk about the LU haters. A few people said LU was infringing on my freedom of speech. They aren't making me stop writing my blog, so how exactly are they infringing?
Some others said they were censoring me, in the First Amendment nothing is said about censorship. See for yourself:
"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or
of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition
the Government for a redress of grievances."
-retrieved via www.usconstitution.net
If that was the case - wouldn't bleeping out cuss words be unconstitutional?
I'm also disappointed that people were so hateful when it comes to Liberty.
Liberty has every right to conduct their college the way they want to - Freedom of Religion. That IS mentioned in the First Amendment.
Here's my deal: I love Liberty, I think it is a great college. Problem free? Absolutely not, but name a college that is. If you don't like Liberty here's an idea: Don't go there.
I think it's funny, I've attended colleges other than LU. At other colleges I heard a LOT of Liberty bashing, but never once at LU did I hear bashing about another college.
In my opinion, the ONLY people allowed to complain about Liberty's rules are the ones forced to go there. Maybe because of budgetary restrictions, parents, or grades. Other than that, if you don't go there what in the world has Liberty done to you? Teasing about the rules is a whole different thing - I'm talking about honestly complaining and wanting to go to the press, dean, whatever with the rules.
Yes, I realize that TRBC and all ministries involved have a huge influence on Lynchburg. I don't see this as a bad thing - if you WANT a town with strip clubs, Hooters, what have you then move. What is wrong with keeping those things out?
I'm sorry if this came off a little harsh but really people can we act like adults? I'm friends with kids I work with at church on facebook I've had to delete multiple comments because of inappropriate language. I don't like reading it, and it doesn't help you sound more intelligent. In fact it does the opposite since you can't effectively get your point across without words that really make no sense when you analyze the sentence.
I posted the fact my blog was blocked because I thought it was funny! You can ask people -when they asked me about it in person I laughed! There is nothing bad on this blog, I even post things about my walk with Christ, hence the reason I found the fact it was blocked funny.
If this causes you to stop reading my blog, I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is my blog and I choose what to put on here.
Something was brought to my attention recently, and I found it hysterical and felt the need to share it with y'all.
For my overseas and out of state (or even city) readers, the town I live in is definitely a College Town - there are 5 colleges within 30 minutes of each other. One of which is the, apparently, famous Liberty University - a very conservative Christian university (although universities can't be Christian or Secular technically since they don't have souls but that's another post for another day).
Anyway, Liberty has blocked my lovely little blog from their students on campus. I find this hilarious because A) there is nothing adult on here other than me and that's because of my age. B) I frequently talk about my religion and what it means to me. C) I was a student at Liberty up until last week.
If anyone finds out why my blog is blocked please let me know so I can fix it.
Recently, a good friend of mine and I went to lunch. We try to do this often. but usually it works out once every two weeks. We have a grand old time, sipping sweet tea and eating biscuits. Of course there is talking about our lives as college students - hers as a wife mine as a magician (magic has taken the place of a boyfriend for awhile - I think it intimidates some guys.) Somehow, the topic of our grandmothers always comes up.
In short, both of ours are very entertaining. Mine because she can never get any one's name right and has a deep dislike of Harry Potter (which I like) and hers because she is just hilarious and one of the funniest people I've heard of, ever. This series of posts is devoted to her Grandmother who I will call "Wily Granny" and are 100% true (before you ask I have received permission from my friend to write these posts and she loves the idea).
Wily Granny is Kicked out of a Nursing Home
Wily Granny is a kind lady who enjoys helping others. This week she decided to volunteer at the local Nursing Home, serving the residents food, visiting with them, and being an all around lovely person.
Throughout the week, Wily Granny came to know a man who was paraplegic. He would talk to his family everyday via phone, however since he wasn't able to hold a phone a nurse or volunteer had to do so for him.
Apparently the week Wily Granny volunteered was the breaking point for this man. He complained loudly everyday about how he had no privacy with his family because the nurse was there.
Wily Granny being the big hearted woman she is, decided she was going to come up with a solution to this man's problem. She thought hard all day and all night for days.
Finally she had an idea!
She went in the next day excited about her plan, and armed with the supplies she would need. When the time came for the man to call his family, Wily Granny offered to help him.
After the nurse had left Wily Granny pulled out her well concealed roll of duct tape.
Then proceeded to duct tape the man's phone to his head, and left to give him privacy.
Somehow, the Nursing Home wasn't ok with this idea and politely asked Wily Granny to leave.
Stay tuned for "Wily Granny and the Parishioner Who Wasn't"
Wow really left you on a cliff hanger didn't I? Not knowing how my audition went, or anything...how jerky of me. Why on earth would anyone do that? It's one of the most annoying things I can think of - besides spiders and crying toddlers in movies/church. I mean really, there's a nursery for a reason and if your kid is scared of the dark don't take them to a dark room to see hugely disproportionate people/animals on a big screen with loud noises. The audacity...
Oh right, my story. We last left our two heroines (girl version of hero - not a drug) with Rach asleep and Tiff awake slowly going (more) insane.
Well, I finally FINALLY got to sleep. We woke up at 10, checkout was a 11. Us, last minute? Nevahh!
We then went to one of the coolest stores ever - the Yankee Candle Company. Ok, I know what you're thinking, "It's a candle store - what the heck?" Seriously y'all, this thing is like an indoor park, or a mall in and of itself. We were stunned when we walked in - there was a toy store, ice cream place, candles (of course) a whole Christmas section that you had to cross a bridge over frozen water to get to, and it snowed every 4 minutes inside there, we spent the whole day up until my audition there.
Now, I had been in the store before and I love it hence why I dragged Rach there. But lo and behold something I had not noticed before! You see, there is a huge clock when you walk in and every 30 minutes...well watch the video and see... (Yes that is me, and Rach is filming so you won't see her just my paint renderings of her).
So, we stayed there for awhile, I called my mom (while in Mrs. Claus's bakery) who offered her unwavering support.
Then, after a Dr. Pepper and a stop by 7-11 for a snack it was off to the auditions. To say I was nervous is so much of an understatement it's not even funny. I was literally shaking, on the drive over (why oh why didn't I let Rach drive?!) felt sick which never ever happens to me and when we pulled into a spot I was almost in tears. Like I said, nervous was an understatement.
Now, I could write a whole post on why Rach is such a wonderful and special friend. However, none of those things would ever amount to what she did when I turned the car off. I was visibly shaken/nervous (which never ever happens to me, I love performing for people!) so what does she do? Looks at me and goes "Ok, we're praying now." Needless to say, I felt so much better afterward and I strutted my magical self right in there.
If looks could kill, nobody would ever make it to the auditions alive. I'm serious, everyone looks at you like "you are my competition, you will not live to see another hour." It's intimidating and scary.
When I finally got through the line to check in, the guy at the desk looked at me and in a very unenthusiastic tone said, "Let me guess, you're a singer/actress?" I smiled and said "Well, I can be but I think you have enough of those. I'm actually a magician." Best. Reaction. Ever. "Oh my gosh, that's so cool and SO much better than a singer/actress. I bet you're crazy good too, here go fill these out asap I'll get you in as soon as I can - I don't think the directors can take many more songs!"
I filled out my application and went to the waiting room - woah. Remember what I said about looks killing? Oh yeah, lucky I'm alive. See, for the most part you could tell what people were doing. There were 4 categories:
Musician Classified by: No Headshot with them Large, encumbering instrument All black ensemble If Male, most likely lack of social skills
Dancer Classified by: 75% were redheads (it was also for Irish Dancing - I kid you not) Long, slender legs Tall Had crazy awesome dance moves
Singer/Actress
Most were auditioning for both so we'll just put them together.
Classified by: Practicing songs/monologue LOUDLY Binder with song/monologue Grouped in center of the room Bright "look at me" clothing Evil glare in eyes that said "I will murder you if you're better than me"
Variety Acts/Other
Classified by:
Me and a guy who rode a unicycle while juggling...he also had a rubber chicken.
While you could usually tell right off what someone was auditioning for (binder= singer/actor, dance shoes=dancer, rubber chicken= juggler) people for the most part thought I was cocky or were just plain intimidated by the fact I had everything memorized since they assumed I was a singer/actress. The fact I was playing with cards did nothing for them.
The casting directors were expecting 100 people to show up...200 came. I auditioned 6 hours later. By this time, Rach had decided to come keep me company. I tried to get her to sing (she has an amazing AMAZING voice) to intimidate the other people...but being the nice person she is she said no.
I'll spare you every last detail of my audition, however, I will give you my opening line, "Today, I was going to perform Chopin for you on my cello. Unfortunately, I seem to have misplace my cello, so instead I'll be doing a magic show for you."
The judges were obviously very refreshed by this, if you want to see the 3 tricks I did for them just let me know next time you see me - I carry them with me. Seriously - it was Cards, Rubberbands, and more cards how can I NOT have them with me?
When I left and met back up with Rach, Sweet Mama T (my mom) had called and said she didn't want us driving back late so she'd pay for another hotel room. SCORE! So we checked back into the hotel (Tim was very happy to see us).
We then proceeded to go to Chili's since niether of us had eaten since 12. We ate like pigs.
Then it was back to the hotel and back in the nice fluffy beds.
We rose the next morning and headed back home, content that our trip was a success. I'll find out Saturday if I got it or not!
Update: Well, looks like I didn't get the job, but next month I'll be auditioning at Tweetsie Railroad in Boone, NC so wish me luck!
P.s. If you leave me lots of nice comments I may upload a video of me performing :D
As I mentioned in my previous post, my friend Rachel (referred to as Rach from henceforth) went to Williamsburg for my audition at Busch Gardens. Here's our story (and yes, my audition story too).
I wasn't lying when I said we were pirates, I had a whole soundtrack full of pirate music. Ok, it was mostly Pirates of the Caribbean but still it was epic and made Rach smile when the Lafawnduh docked at her apartment.
After driving awhile, and after almost causing a few accidents (I have no idea why people were staring at two girls dressed at pirates), we stopped at a local tavern for ale...ok sweet tea.
3 hours, and not ever lost later we arrived at our hotel, our new friend Tim checked us in - adorable Russian or some kind of accent. I had to call 3 hotels before I found one that would let someone under the age of 21 checkin how stupid is that?
For those of you who noticed the suitcase, yes that is the "I HATE NATURE" one. For the rest of y'all who have no idea what I'm talking about, stay tuned. Anyway, we then got all dolled up and went to Carabba's, the best darn Italian place outside of Italy. We also ate wayyyy too much, but it was so dern good.
We went back to the hotel and after I practiced (for hours, and hours) finally went to sleep to prepare for the day ahead of me!
In case you haven't been keeping up with my facebook or haven't seen me in person let me get you up to date real fast. In the past 3 week I have: lost my job, re-enrolled in school, and have been preparing for an audition as a magician at Busch Gardens. Still single, still awesome.
Ok, you're caught up.
This post is mainly about the last thing listed - I'm auditioning to be a magician at a theme park. HOW AWESOME. Hypothetically if I DO get the job then I'll get comp tickets, awesome experience, get to meet lots of people, and get paid to do what I adore. I see no bad side. Well, my family does - I'd move to Williamsburg for the Summer but even they're excited about coming to see me. So really, no bad side.
Obviously I've been practicing a LOT. I mean way too much - I'll put it this way: my hands are chapped and cut from handling my card so much. I'm gonna need a mani before the auditions. Anyway, all this practice has made me realize there are some things about performing that I really don't like. Watch out - here comes one of my famous lists! (Also as a warning another list will soon follow this one "Why I LOVE Being A Magician" but I figured I get the bad out of the way first).
As a side note: I decided to do pictures in MS Paint (Mac version of Paint) so yes, I know the pics aren't the same caliber as my usual artwork, but I thought I'd put them in there anyway. If nothing else for laughs because they are truly awful haha!
Now, without further adieu, my blog.
1) "But You're a GIRL!"
Apparently, people automatically think I'm an assistant not a magician, and are shocked when I tell them I don't have an assistant - I am the act. I cannot tell you how many times this has happened to me. Seriously apparently magic is the one this women "aren't allowed" to do. I have taken into account to well meaning people who are just surprised and still come up with an alarming amount of people who think I'm not allowed to do magic, that I just get cut in half.
WRONG.
I actually had person tell me "Your place is in the box, in feathers and sequins not saying a word. You are a disgrace to the art." The sad thing was this person was a magician. I then thanked him for his opinion and then proceeded to go on and perform my show (which I was later told was better than his). Of course, we should congratulate this individual for being able to even form a coherent sentence since his single-celled brain was currently busy trying to inhale and exhale.
2. "Oh my gosh, are you like Criss Angel?!"
Are you being serious right now? The only thing we have in common is we both wear too much eye makeup. I don't catch myself on fire intentionally, walk around without a shirt on, or claim to have supernatural abilities. I'll give him this: he is a great showman I just don't agree with all of the ways he presents magic. Also, he is pretty hot - not really my type though.
3. "Can you do a trick like right now?!"
People seem to ask me this at the most inconvenient times. Most of the time, it will come up in conversation and my well-meaning friends will say "oh this is interesting - Tiff does magic!"
Cue domino effect. The first two reasons on this blog are also the first questions that people ask me. Then, after they've gotten to know me or they get bored some hours late they find me like a bloodhound and beg and plead for me to do a full out show. When I say "Oh, I'm sorry I don't have anything to do it with!" They go "Oh, fine, you're not legit then if you need "stuff".
Well ex-CUSE ME Princess but last I checked I needed cards, or coins, or a person with a brain to perform magic. Stick that in your juice box.
So ladies and gents of Blogworld, there are my reasons. Don't get me wrong - I adore magic and like I said I'm working on a "Why I Love Being A Magician" blog. However, its currently 4 pages long...single spaced :).
Wish me luck on my audition! I have a great friend going with me so it'll be a blast!
Blog to follow on the trip...her mom (who is now my favorite person ever) got us eyepatches and swords for our adventure since I already had the pirate hat.
