Slightly off Balance

First off, I apologize to anyone who has suffered withdrawal from my lack of blog...so while I work on my NYC blog(s) here's one to keep you entertained...

I've recently been looking through some pictures of mine, due to a transferring of files from one computer to another. This act has caused me to remember oh so many things about myself, and also come to a certain realization on something: I have the potential to be "normal", however, I seem to upset the scales a little. Not too much, but enough to make a difference. So, sporadically, as they come to me, I will post my "Tiffalities" as opposed to "normalities". Here's the first that came to mind:

The Dear Fellow in the Passenger Seat

Last Summer, the kid's ministry I work with (The Filling Station- www.tolm.net/tolm/the_filling_station) at my church went to the IPHC General Conference. IPHC is International Pentecostal Holiness Church. Basically, all the pastors and the other important people from the IPHC all meet once a year at General Conference to discuss all the important stuff about the church. Obviously, I did not go to that part of it what I did go to was our part of it- the kid's ministry.

Quick rabbit trail on that: IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!!! Yeah, I was up at 7am and usually didn't get to sleep until like 12am or later but it was so worth it!! I performed a magic show, the kids were AWESOME and a TON of them got saved which made the entire thing worth it.

Back on the other trail:

We all had to drive down to Greensboro, NC. "We" consisted of the staff of the Filling Station consisting of: Parents, me, 3 other teens, and of course some of the kids. However I'm the oldest teen so the other teens had listen to me :) Along the way, we stopped by God's Pit Crew (an AWESOME ministry! Check it out!) because they were storing some stuff for us...nothing too important just our entire set and everything we needed down there basically. We realized when we got there we would have to put some things in other people's cars. All of the other cars were basically full with luggage and other random roadtrippy things (like other people and children). However, I was the only one in my car (Coincidence? I think NOT!). Now everyone else took the normal things we had: Lights, cords, a few minor styrofoam set pieces (ok I know that sounds abnormal but it's totally normal at the Filling Station where everything but our faith is made out of styrofoam). Now let's take a look at my car.

First of all, I drive a Candy Apple Red 2006 Toyota Solara. Everybody else there was driving either a big rig, mini van, or suv. Compared to those giants, I have a 2 door Barbie car, that I love dearly. In this car so far was me, my other small car aka my suitcase, a 12 pack of mtn dew, and a collection of CDs that yes I did sing to- loudly and off key with choreography. We added to that 2 normal items: Candy (3 boxes of it in my trunk and backseat and YES it made it there uneaten...due to the fact of where it was located) and styrofoam dinosaur bones (the theme was "Night at The Museum: God's Word Comes to Life!...yeah awesome I know). The other...thing...well...I'll let the picture show you:

That deer fellow (HAHA I love puns) in the passenger seat is just what you think it is and exactly what you don't expect it to be. Yes, it is a deer head but its not a real one. His name is Buck and he is one of our character at The Filling Station. He's animatronic, so he talks...and moves and well we weren't just going to throw him in the back of someones car! So we buckled him into the front seat of mine!

Along the way to Greensboro, I passed a variety of Big Rigs. In one, there were 3 younger guys about my age. They passed me, I passed them and they gave me some odd looks (and not just because of my staggering beauty either HA). About five minutes later, they pass me again...this time with cameras. I'm still looking for the pictures on facebook, myspace, and Bass Pro Shops.

That's it for now, if you think of more instances where I am slightly off balance, leave a comment and I'll be sure to write about it!

Love y'all,

Tiff

Top 5 Guys

Over the course of the past week or so, I have devised a list of my Top Guys. Top guys being guys that I would date, or that have qualities I find important in a guy. Just for the record, only one of these guys/men is real, the others are characters but hey a girl can dream!!

5. Logan Huntzberger

Logan Huntzberger, son of Mitchom Huntzberger in the hit series Gilmore Girls aka my favorite show.

Why he is Top Guy Material: Let's face it, the boy is hot. The perfectly messy hair, the perfect angles of his face, and well he's just hot. He is also very sweet and will admit when he's wrong...most of the time. He has a great sense of humor, a huge selling point for me. He does really sweet things unexpectedly, and knows the importance of a Birkin Bag.

Why he is not number 1: He's conceited, and well if I was a guy and looked like that I probably would be too. However, that's not an excuse. He's also slightly immature and is too much of a partier for me.

4. Jess Mariano

Jess Mariano, Rory's 2nd boyfriend on the hit series Gilmore Girls. Ok, I like Gilmore Girls its not my fault that all the guys are top guy material!

Why he is Top Guy Material: I started out not liking Jess, he had that whole rebellious-teen thing going on, which I do not like at all. Later though, he wrote a book, got himself together and totally changed my perspective on him. He is into the whole artsy thing, which as we all know is VERY important to me. Also, he reads (which I'm addicted to) and understands literally references and humor. Oh, and let's not forget...again he's hot, I think hotter than Logan just looks-wise. The deep brown eyes, the hair (again perfectly messy or as Luke describes it "did you do your hair with a razor?!") and what really gets me is the smirk. It's cute, it's hot, and it adds mystery. If a guy had a smile like that, I would definitely date him.

Why he is not number 1: Again, the teenage rebellion thing. I don't like it, plus he's REALLY moody. Must come with the artsy territory.

3. Westley/ Dread Pirate Roberts

Westley, the farm boy later turned to the Dread Pirate Roberts in the movie The Princess Bride. I had to include both pictures because, well he had two different names so he needed two different pictures.

Why he is Top Guy Material: He marries a princess, so he's prince material and I, being a somewhat princess, obviously find this important. He is quick witted, skilled in fencing, and insanely handsome, not to mention he saves a damsel in distress and comes back from being "mostly dead". He has a sarcastic sense of humor, but is so smooth and confident you can't help but love him. Come on, he's basically a prince.

Why he is not number 1: Although confident, he can come off as arrogant. Plus, the dread Pirate Roberts doesn't take prisoners...well except for 1 every like 5 or 10 years. Also, he's married...and not real...well neither were the others so far haha!

2. Lance Burton

Lance Burton Master Magician, the longest running act in Las Vegas. Awarded Magician of the year 2 years in a row, and a Member of The Royal Dynasty of Magic the highest award a magician can ever receive.

Why he is Top Guy Material: Starting from humble roots in Louisville, KY he worked his way up to the Master Magician he is today. He is a truly spectacular magician and trick designer. He does everything with the grace and confidence of a true magician, but manages to keep the audience entertained an laughing. Not one to be conceited, he frequently performs for numerous charities across the country. He will admit when he is wrong, and when something was stupid. Such as, he attempted an escape from a roller coaster and BARELY made it!! Stating afterwards, "That was stupid...that was REALLY stupid." on a t.v. special. Also, check out the smile ;)

Why he is not number 1: He's at least 40...and while I don't mind a guy being older than me that's old enough to be my dad.

1. Jim Halpert

If you watch The Office, you knew this was coming. Jim, basically the perfect man.

Why he is Number 1: Ok, I know Jim is not real**Pause for all the girls to cry** but here's why he is number one:

-He is low maintenance

-Confident, not conceited

- He is insanely laid-back, and oh so smooth

- Very cute, just look at him!!

-Amazing sense of humor, will do anything for a laugh

-Serious, but at the same time just goofy enough to keep you laughing

-So sweet and considerate

-Creative (I mean who else would think of putting someone's stapler in jello?!)

All of this was fun, but I'll leave y'all with a quote I just came across that I'm pretty sure describes how I will know who my real number one guy is:

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." -Dr. Seuss

Love Y'all!

Infomercials

Hello again my faithful blog followers!

Today's theme is infomercials (bet you didn't guess that one). I love infomercials!! I want basically all the items I see. However, after some late night t.v. watching, I have developed yet another Top Five list. For those of my dear friends reading this: Yes, I am serious and yes I really do want these and yes my birthday is March 26 :)

-5. The Perfect Brownie Pan

Yes, you read that right negative 5. I started this list with the idea in mind that all of these would be items I want. I worked on this list bizackwards (starting at 1, so technically forwards but bizackwards from the way you are currently reading it) and I felt that I must include this simply because this may be the one infomercial product I despise, loathe, and all together am just not fond of, with that in mind...

Why I do NOT want this item: I hate side brownies. Sick, gross, ewwy, chewy, yuck. I prefer the middle ones, and really who eats the edges?! (0:45 in video) I have NEVER seen that! NOBODY LIKES THE EDGES!! If you do, I'm not implying you're nobody, just disturbed and I can give you the number of some people who can help you with that :). The patent pending design isn't helping their case much either. The one thing I do like about this commercial is the brownie ideas- aka the banana split brownie I had never heard of or tried those before and oh goodness are they good!!

Things included besides the product:

-Stencils!! Wow...like I couldn't free hand a circle (fyi I can).

- Recipe Book

Things I do like: I like the integrity of this item...no cutting brownies. The less I'm around knives the better. I'm sure it'd great for rice krispy treats and that kind of thing....maybe even cake squares, but for heaven sake not brownies!!

5. One Touch Can Opener

Why I want this: Ok y'all I do realize I don't cook...at all. However, I still want it for those few times I do cook. I am not one of great strength, and I hate can openers after a (literally) scarring incident which involved a cheap can opener and my poor tiny hand. This item, however, eliminates any possibility of me being cut or otherwise scarred by said can opener and everything can be done with the push of a button!!

Things included besides the product: The Gripmate (included absolutely free) is also a plus, its a JAR opener!! Yes, ladies and gentlemen a can opener and a jar opener- not in one but close enough.

What I don't like: I haven't tried this out, so it might not work. Plus, this whole can opening thing could be avoided if I just didn't cook. :)

4. Big Top Cupcake

Why I want this: I LOVE cupcakes!! They are basically the only thing I can bake and not burn, undercook, or otherwise ruin the integrity and actual being of. (Yes I realized I just ended that sentence in a preposition, but I couldn't find a way to reword it...did I mention it's late?) Anyway, I know for a fact this product works as one of my sister's friends made her a birthday cake using this exact mold and it looked just like, if not better than, the pictures!! Woah, crazy I know!! It also has a MAGIC INSERT if you want to fill it with ice cream, pudding, another kind of cake, money, or illegal aliens (well it is 25 times bigger than a regular cupcake like I'm actually doing that math..). I think the best part about this item is the commercial, I'm not kidding. Now, it's no Billy Mays masterpiece (may he rest in peace) but it made me laugh. I have included the video above... now, fast forward to 0:50 and watch the kids in the background....

Yeah, you're laughing too, don't deny it.

Things included besides the product:

-Magic Center Insert (again for those fugitives you're harboring and just need a way to get them out of the house)

- Idea Book (They mentioned a clown cake...not sure how I feel if that's the best they can do)

-3D cookie cutters (a $20 value absolutely free!)

What I don't like: The cake pieces look weird, I know it's stupid but i mean the pieces are oddly shaped and HUGE!

3. Bottle Tops

Why I want this: I am forever running into the problem of de fizzed canned drinks. I like can drinks for 2 reasons: 1) They taste better no because they don't have a plastic-y taste and 2) They are the perfect size. This item is the perfect solution to my problem!! Plus, they won't spill in my immaculate car or at my desk at work.

Things included besides the product: As far as I can see, the only thing included is 12 of the item. When in the world will I need to simultaneously drink 12 canned drinks at once?

Things I don't like: I'm pretty sure it will leak...I'm a skeptic.

2. The Jupiter Jack

Why I want this: Many reasons, mostly because Billy Mays makes me believe I NEED this.

I talk on the phone and drive (bad I know....shame on me) and this solves my problems!! Yay!

Things included besides the product: Not one, but 2 Jupiter Jacks!! For my second car...

which I don't have.

What I don't like: Despite the credibility of Billy Mays, I'm not sure if this will work due to

my iPod FM converter thingamabobbit not working correctly!!

1. Roomba

Why I want this: It's a ROOMBA!! Don't tell me you don't want one too!! It'd be perfect for my room, since I hate cleaning and vacuuming. Plus, its a robot!! So not only does it suit my nerdiness, it must follow the 3 laws. It works, as I've seen, and I WANT IT.

Things included besides the product: Nothing, but why would I need 2 and what is cooler than this?

What I don't like: It's a little creepy, it knows too much and I can totally see it starting to clean just when I fall asleep.

You Might be Tiff's friend if...

While changing computers I came across this file I forgot I had, constructed by my friends and myself. It started off as a "How you know you're Tiff's Friend" list, then inspired by Jeff Foxworthy I turned it into the list you see before you! Feel free to add to it!

You Might be Tiff's Friend if...

- You never directly call Starbucks for their hours, you just call Tiff because she already knows them...for all the locations in The Burg.

- You never leave the table at a restaurant to use the bathroom first...you never know when if might be your birthday!

- You don't consider it odd if a 19 year old girl has her bedroom decked out in Disney Princess merchandise

- you automatically think someone is mad when they have a deep southern accent

- you don't consider it odd to meet a friend at Vinny's while she is in mime makeup

- Hot pink no longer burns your eyes

- you know all the words to most broadway songs, and deeply dislike showtunes

- You know all the words to Taylor the Latte boy

- You don't really like theater,but you go to at least one play every two months

- you know who laquisha sha nay nay and/or La Fawnduh are

- You refuse to get in a car with Tiff as the driver ever again

- you attend her 19th b-day party and nothing has changed since the 5th one, including the theme

- You start saying ya'll without realizing it

- you're no longer shocked that a girl who cannot correctly pronounce "epitome" reads 5 book a week

- You can finish the phrase "Life is like pool...."

- you don't think it's weird for someone to carry 3 decks of cards in their purse, 2 of which you are not allowed to touch

- you're not offended when she says "I kill you"

- you're surprised you don't have to give your friend directions to place in lynchburg, aka their hometown

- When someone says "I have a new magic trick..." you automatically groan and walk away

- you no longer have to ask "where'd you get that?!" you automatically assume J.Crew.