Smoke Detectors

Call them what you will - smoke detectors, fire alarms, beige circles of death - I now hate them thanks to this past week.

The First Battle:

There I was, fast asleep in my comfy warm bed when I hear a chirp, thinking it's my computer which I left on I curl up and back to dreamland I go - nope. Fifteen minutes later I hear the same sound and I realize its not my computer in fact it is the beige circle of death outside my room. Up two flights of stairs I go to get another battery in the process waking up my mom. I get back downstairs, at this point I've failed to mention we all like to sleep with it cold...our house is the Arctic at night and I'm in a night shirt, basically I'm freezing.

I climb on the chair shove the battery into its slot and go back to bed since I had to be up at 7. Almost asleep am I when I hear it, "CHIRP" dang it I put the battery in wrong. Back on the chair I go (which I SWEAR got taller), now our ceilings are high so I have to look UP to the smoke detector, so when I open the battery door the loose battery falls out and smacks me in my face. I then proceed to lose my balance and fall off the chair. As I lay there in pain (luckily I didn't break anything) my only thought is "I'm the only person in the world who can say they've been attacked by a smoke detector".

Smoke Detector: 1 Tiff: 0

The Second Battle:

This battle takes place the next night around 9 - I've had a long day and I decided I deserved to relax, which in Tiffanese means bubble bath. I've just gotten into my extremely hot bath (it was freezing outside so it doubled as a Tiff-defroster too) when I hear it, not a chirp but 5 fire alarms going off at one.

First thought? House is on fire - make sure mom's awake. My little sis was downstairs with me so she was fine, also completely undisturbed by the 5 alarms going off. Up two flight of stairs I bolt in my very plush robe and find mom about to stand on a chair, by this point I realize there isn't a fire and it's just the beige circles of death rising up against us again. Obviously they're organizing. I end up changing 4 batteries without getting smacked in the face again (SCORE!) which is equivalent to every other fire detector in our house. However, when I go back down to my bath, it's cold. They crossed the line this time...

Smoke Detector: 2 Tiff: 0


The Final Battle:

The next day was Saturday, which means I get to sleep in longer since I went to work later - sweet right? Not if you're in a war against "protectors of the house". 6am, not even the sun is awake but you know what is? The fire alarms that's right. Every last one of them is going off - First, my sleep. Then, my bath. Now, my sanity.

I run upstairs with the pure intent of murdering these blasted things when I see mom on a chair...pulling wires out of them. I asked (ok more yelled over the noise) what I should do. She responds "I've got it go back to sleep".

Yeah, I'll do that.

By the time I get back downstairs to my room...silence. Eerie silence. My puppy has gotten in the bed with me since loud noises scare her and she tends to hide. Mom comes downstairs, a proud look on her face. I ask how she got them to stop. She calmly said "I killed them".

Being sleep deprived I muttered ok and went back to sleep. Of course when I woke back up I was like "WHAT did she say?" So I ran upstairs. There - from wires protruding from the wall hangs the detectors. Finally defeated.

They may have won the battles, but we won the WAR!

Final Score:

Circles of Death: 2 Tiff: 0 Sweet Momma T: 5

Tiffany vs Lois

Recently, I've been on a Superman kick. Ok, I'm always on a superman kick - but this time more than usual.

It's no secret I have a thing for the S-man, however he is taken by Lois Lane. Oh, right and also apparently not real (although there is a Metropolis, IL so I may start there). I personally think I'm much better than Lois Lane, and therefore much better suited for Superman. Here's my 5 reasons why:

1. My hair is better, yes I realize she probably didn't care too much about her hair - but seriously if you're going to date/marry (yes they got married) a guy like Superman yah gotta look good. Well, your hair should at least look as good as his anyway.

2. She dated Lex Luthor!! Who in the WORLD couldn't see the evil in that guy?!

3. She is always getting herself into situations she can't get out of and Superman has to save her. I'm smarter than that, while I would totally love him saving me - it wouldn't be required since I can get myself out of a rock and a hard place.

4. She liked Superman WAY before Clark Kent. The opposite is true of me, I liked the man not the power first.

5. Tiffany Kent sounds better than Lois Kent. (Even though she kept her name after they were married...but only real nerds know that).


I couldn't help it!! Ok I didn't line it up very well but whatever - it's still me and Superman :)

My Grown up Christmas List

Hello fellow reader, possible readers- at this point I have no clue. Currently, I have 204 views (Heck YES!) so someone must be reading right?

The holidays are coming ever closer, of course all of my dear friends know exactly where you will be receiving your presents from if they came from me. While browsing the web and looking through all the other blogs I follow, I came across many things I want for Christmas/fun/birthday/bribe-gift. Here's my list, not surprisingly it is very dorky. If you're surprised you have definitely not been reading for long and I welcome you!

Now, on with the list!

1. Snitch Necklace



Seriously y'all? I NEED this, especially for the LAST MOVIE PREMIER. Also, who else at my place of employment will have one? That's right none.

For better views and more awesome HP pieces:
Snitch Necklace

2. Choker

So there's this thing called Steampunk...and I'm obsessed. To describe it in a sentence, "What the past would look like if the future had happened sooner". I love the clothes, jewelry, colors, and inventions that are used in it. Here's a perfect example:




*Drools on floor* Must...HAVE!!

It's gorgeous and I could definitely still wear it to work and not get stared at, well anymore than usual.

Choker

3. Inanimate Object Stickers

No, I'm not kidding stop asking that. People at work already know I'm quirky and others keep taking my stapler, hole punch, and Green pens!! If there were faces on them I'd be able to reclaim my rightful possessions, while looking cute at the same time.



Here it is!

Cute Desk Stuff

4. Bumper stickers!!

I'll go ahead and save you time, most of you will not understand this one but I want it.




Link is here:
126.0.0.1

If you don't get this, stop reading my blog. Also, not talking about my in-ability to clean clear surfaces that lead outside.




Totally self explanatory.



Magician



5. Engagement Ring



Just Kidding!!

Contentment

Yet again it has been awhile since I posted, I started a number of posts but alas never seemed to be able to finish them. Here's my conclusion why: I have been merely content with my life.

My week consists of church, work, meeting with people at the same days and the same times every week. Rinse and Repeat. This was a life I swore I'd never have, so why do I have it? I'm not saying it's a bad life, not at all. I love my job, my friends, and the things I do with them -what I hate is the monotony. I am not a monotonous person, I'm spontaneous. I love to decide on a whim to go somewhere and do so, to look absolutely ridiculous onstage - unscripted, pull people out of their comfort zone, and of course to mystify. Now, I do none of these things. The last time I was onstage was my senior year of high school, I have retreated into myself so now I need others to pull ME out of my comfort zone, and I haven't perfected a new trick in months.

Who am I? I am sure as heck not the Tiffany Allen I used to know.

Now, I realize this could be me finally growing-up...ok stop laughing. There must be a way to combine being the boring, professional adult I've become, and the vibrant carefree one I used to be. To relate it to art terms, I need to combine the white, boring self I am and the bright red I was...therefore becoming the best color in the world: Hot Pink.

I feel the key to this is Magic. Not just the regular Disney Princess magic, no I mean my magic. The illusions I do, the card tricks, "mind-reading", all of it. The feeling I get when I look into a person's eyes and know they are mystified is what drives my madness.

This is my plan: my life will be magical.

I leave you with that my friends, I trust you will hold me to it. I want to love my life again.

I will be hot pink again.

What is wrong with the world?

Recently, I've begun to notice that the world we live in is becoming more and more negative. Everyday I hear something about the failing economy, student loans that seem will never be paid off, kids being put in jail for murder, the list goes on and on.

Really, with the promotion of websites like "FML" and "fwhyme", music that is based on abuse, and cuss words becoming more prominent we shouldn't be surprised. Just the other day, I was on the phone at work with a customer who was upset, I could sympathize with why he was upset but there was honestly nothing I could do. I offered to do anything I could over and beyond what I probably should have done and what does he do? Continues to all-out cuss me out I didn't even know some of the words he used. When I told him politely but sternly "Sir, I understand you're upset but I will not tolerate foul language and I will release the call if it is used again" his response was "Well they say it on tv". People, this is where we are at, grown men using curse words towards women because it was on tv so it must be fine. I can remember when that was unacceptable, a man would never treat a woman that way or vice-versa.

What is wrong with this?

What is wrong with "them"?

What is wrong with us?

So here I was, wallowing in the "why is this happening" and wondering what would happen if God hadn't already promised He wouldn't flood the Earth again.

Then, I came across this:

www.givesmehope.com

This is going to sound rediculous I know, but this site and all the ones related to it really do give me hope. Here's some of my favorites (as a side note LGMH=Love gives me hope GMH= Gives me Hope):

At Wendy's the other night, an elderly man was sitting by himself, looking depressed.
My 7-year-old sister Abbey suddenly picked up all her food and sat across from the man, then started telling him about her day.
Abbey, your LGMH.


I am a third grade teacher.Most kids come in with notes or messages written by their mothers in their lunch sacks. One little girl's dad left, and her mother abuses drugs. But her 12 year old brother never fails to write "I love you" on her brown paper bag.
He GMH.

Small things each of them, as are most if not all of the stories on the sites. To be cliche though, big things come in small packages. I make time everyday to read at least one page of one of these websites - truly, it gives me hope. Not hope that our economy will get better, people will automatically become more honest, or more respectful towards each other.

No, this gives me hope that not everything is going wrong. Some things are just, oh so right. A child's love for a complete stranger eating lunch by himself, a big brother's love for his younger sister, again the list goes on and on.

Despair, hopelessness, negativity, these things have an end. At some point the economy will turn around, people who do wrong will be punished for it, finances will work out - all of this happens at some point. We look back on it, and do not wish to relive the experience.

Faith, Hope, Love. These extend forever. Read old posts from the same website in a year, you will STILL smile and be uplifted.

Because, hope, love, faith...

...they go on and on.

Slightly off Balance- Tiffality #2

Now, back by popular demand...

My Blog and "Slightly off Balance"

First of all, I'm sorry I haven't written in awhile! Ok a few months, I got a promotion at work (YAY!) and upped my hours, then I started a class so as much as I love you I see most of you in person during the week anyway so it was slightly pointless to write a blog about things I already told you.

However, that's no longer the case! I've been at the beach and so many odd thing have happened to me, I had to pick back up with a Slightly off Balance post about my "Tiffalities".

Tiffality #1 of this post (actually #2 of this blog, but whatever):

I will start this story as all good Southern stories start: There I was...

There I was finally in Myrtle Beach, I had slept for 4 hours so of course I didn't look my usual beautiful self, more of a lesser version of that - like when magazines do a spread on "Stars without makeup" I was the "Before" picture only about 10 times worse. Let me break it down: Sweatpants (ok J.Crew ones, but sweats none the less), hair slicked back (I do mean slicked), and most importantly NO MAKEUP - yeah that isn't supposed to happen.

I looked bad. So when mom asked me if I wanted to go to the store with her, how did I respond? "Yeah sure!" Fast forward to us having walked around the store for about an hour when lo and behold *cue "ahhing" choir* a hottie appeared! 20's, dressed in a nice suit, very clean cut, cute, and a killer southern accent to boot! He walked right past us, and let's face it if a guy like THAT walks by me, I'm going to smile (no Julie sorry to disappoint I did not wink).

Then my dear, sweet mother brought me back down to Earth. She leaned in closer to me, and I was preparing myself for the wonderful motherly wisdom she imparts to me. I'll never forget what she (sarcastically) said, "Good thing you don't look like crap!" First thought? "Oh...THAT'S why he laughed".

So, my final thought on this was "ok that's just one guy, I have the rest of the week to find cute guys! it'll be fine"

Fast Forward to Day 2:

I had to make a deposit at my bank and find a book to read (the only ones I brought were textbooks - why? I have no idea) so I was going down the road that A) goes past my bank and B) has a Wal-Mart on it. Perfect right?

But there was more to this trip my friends! If you've ever been to the beach with me and my fam, you may notice I do not drive down here. Why? If you've ridden with/seen my drive, you know exactly why. So, this was going to be my first solo trip ever at the beach, in the 20 years I've been coming here. I know it's patheotic, but let's move on - I was excited and looked pretty darn good too. While I'm on my way out mom hands me a list of things that she wants me to pick up for us and I said sure why not?

I finally arrive at Wally World, amazingly not too crowded. I decide to go ahead and get my book first, and being the chick I am I settled on a Nick Sparks book (which was AMAZING by the way - True Believer check it out). Then I move on to the list my dear mommy gave me, apparently one of the 3 ladies in the room had their Aunt Flo visit. The list was as follows: pads, tampons, midol extra strength.

Oh shoot.

I hate buying that kind of thing, and I didn't want to get a basket so I just carried all the items. While walking to the check out I passed yet another cute guy (do they all just live at the beach?!) and since I looked better what did I do? I smiled...like apparently only I can smile ;) haha. Then, he kind of looked at me for a second...

...then BOLTED

First thought, "What the heck?" Then I realized...I'm holding "feminine products", midol, and a Nick Sparks book all I needed was the chocolate bar.

Heck, I would've bolted too.


Stay tuned for more of Slightly off Balance!

Moments

Before reading any further, watch this:
I was shown this video on my trip to Duke, and it got me thinking. What IS a moment? Yeah, I know they said that in the video, but really what is a moment? The dictionary says it is "...a very short period of time".

I agree and disagree with this. A moment in my definition is a period of time that had some sort of significance. The moment you say "I do" you go from single to forever having someone beside you in life. The 3 seconds it takes for your ice cream to drop to the ground. The second it takes to say "yes". The 2.5 seconds it takes to say " I love you". Telling someone your proud of them, patting someone on the back, hugging a friend you haven't seen in months, kissing your boyfriend on the cheek, holding hands for the first time, letting go of your balloon for a split second, finding a much coveted Easter Egg, walking into High School for the first time, smiling for absolutely no reason at all, taking a bow onstage after a performance, throwing your hat after graduation, hugging your family. These may seem insignificant, but they are truly things that we take for granted.

Take all of these little moments, some seconds long some minutes long, string them together and you get your life. Our lives are made up of moments. Big life events are narrowed down to moments, a graduation becomes memories of certain moments, a marriage ceremony the "I do's". You get the idea.

We as humans have to take HUGE life events and narrow them down to moments. Take insignificant things like eating and ice cream cone, and add it to our lives. Now, here is what blows my mind. God doesn't have to do that. He knows every second, millisecond, literally every last moment of our lives and He is there for it. He not only knows the exact time you graduated, or everything that happened that day. He remembers everything I do and more. He knows how I felt, that I almost tripped, He knew which bouncy ball I would take and knew that it would be a bad idea to paint my nails on the way to graduation before I had even thought of it (ok most people could have told me that, but only He knew I would think of it). He knew the pictures I would take, the memories I'd remember, and the tears that would roll down my face.

Let's get even deeper with this: He already knows, this very second everything I will remember and everything that will happen to me. Woah. I have no idea who I'll marry, if I will get married, what I will do after college, if I'll have kids, if I will get a Disney internship, if I will actually one day be a princess, what I'll do tomorrow, I have no idea of these things. He does, and what's more He has planned every last second, every last moment of my life so that it will work out for the best, for His ultimate plan, for the best I can be in His kingdom.

Seriously, how can you not love and praise a God as great and awesome as that?

I believe that moments are God's way of reminding us how much He loves us. Even the bad moments, example: my first asthma attack. Yeah, that was a milestone, I realize how cool I am no need to remind me. Anyway, I was terrified I was young and couldn't breathe. It lasted for hours but I remember it in a second. I'll take a second here and say I have no idea why I have asthma, but I believe there is a reason to everything. Yes, everything...like that dust speck floating past you right now? It has a purpose, don't know what but it's there. Anyway, asthma attacks are terrifying at best, by God's mercy we found out what was wrong with me and fixed it fast, no hospital necessary- if you know me at ALL you know that is a HUGE blessing. He loves me that much that He gave my mom the ability to think clearly in an emergency and gave me some peace (as much peace as you can have in an asthma attack) so I wouldn't panic which could make things so much worse.

I could go on and on about how much God loves me, how everything works for Him, how He is constantly at work, but there's a limit to this blog word/character wise. So, I'll leave you with this final thought: even in at your worst moment, God is there. He is with you, He knows what you're thinking, and He loves you anyway.

Don't Worry...Be Happy

Well friends, it's that time of semester again. The time where showering is bumped to the bottom of your priority list after studying for classes and before sleep. Eating actual food (Easy Mac, popcorn, and certain types of Ramen don't count unless in large quantities) is considered "frivolous" or a "social activity", and while walking to take and exam or to the library you see people who look vaguely familiar only to realize 2 hours later they are your best friends/roommate. So, it puzzles the mind as to how someone under these conditions could be stressed.

Let's be real, wether you admit it or not you dear friend are stressed. This blog is meant to un-stress you. I have the time to do this thanks to my semester off from classes meaning I have no finals. Every day at work is a final. Just kidding, I love my job next time you see me ask for my business card (no joke). By the way, for those of you who think I "dropped out" I have the deposit on my classes for SUMMER 2010 semester (a few mere months away in case you didn't catch that) to prove you wrong so put THAT in your juice box! But thats another blog, back to you being stressed.

I have composed a list of things from Summer memories that make me happy, and I assume make most people happy. So when you read this I want you to take the few precious seconds that you have and remember that moment, or one similar to it. I know all of y'all won't agree with everything I have on the list...so just go to the next one

You ready? Here we go....

Listening to a good ol' Country song

(Dolly, The Judds, Charlie Daniels, anything twangy)

Ok, I know most of you don't agree with this. However, it's my blog, what I say goes. This is why I find this very de-stressing. I am a Southern gal as most of you know, and I love sweet tea, sundresses in the summer, sitting out by the lake, etc. Whenever I listen to a good old twangy song I think about sitting by the lake in my cute little sundress and heels with my big hat sipping on sweet tea. Don't you dare tell me that ain't relaxing.

Summer Nights with Friends

You may all now say a collective "duh". My friends and I have a blast in the Summer, I don't think we've ever gotten sick of each other. I think the best thing in the world is laying on a hammock with your best friends, looking up at the stars drinking smoothies (note that most things on this blog will involve food I ain't no size 0 honey I like my food). I also love going to Mr. Goodies on an "off" night.

Inside Jokes

I need to clear up something here. Inside jokes are awesome, until someone mentions one to another person and when you ask whats so funny they say "oh inside joke". It's annoying, stop it. If you explain the joke it's totally fine. In RUF (my Bible study) we have one, which is way long and would be silly to put on a blog its much funnier if told in person, if you wanna know it let me know. Anyway, any time someone mentions it, we die laughing. It never fails. So take time to remember a stupid inside joke...if you don't have me give me a call.

Road trips

My girlfriends and I love to take "mini road-trips" as I call them. We just go somewhere for a day and have a blast. Last summer, we went to Busch Gardens. SO much fun!! We almost drove our guy friend out of his mind. He was kind enough to drive us and since we were in a mini van he earned the nick name "daddy". It's great to just randomly jump in a car with your friends and just go. Sometimes you just need to get away and road tripping is a great way to do it.

That's all I can think of for now, I'll keep updating as more things come to mind.

Make sure to leave your own too!!

Happy almost done with classes!

-Tiff

Celebrating 2 Decades of Tiff The Final Installment

Well Ladies and Gentlemen here it is, the final installment of 2 Decades of the Tiff!! I had an AMAZING time at Duke and most (if not all) of these are from there. Thanks so much Shmames, you're the best!!

Here's to two more decades of spreading sugar, pink, and laughter throughout the world and Lynchburg area....

9. The Melting Pot at Duke!

8. Having an entire weekend devoted to moi :)

7. Instead of having a cake having 50 of the super-iced (I don't know the actual name, you know the cookies that you're blood sugar shoots up by looking at them? yeah those) cookies

6. Eating so much fondue at the melting pot that my dress almost didn't fit

5. Duke advancing to the Elite Eight just for my Birthday

4. Having one day of my birthday weekend devoted to shopping, eating, drinking Fresca and watching Pride &Prejudice in matching pajamas with one of the best friends a gal could ask for

3. Having my magic skills awed over by people SO much smarter than me

2. Getting updates sent to my phone every 5 minutes for 24 hours saying "_____ wrote on your wall: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!"

1. Spending an awesome day with awesome people :D

Update on Birthday Blog!!

Quick update: I have decided to wait until the day AFTER my birthday to include the second and final installment of 2 Decades of Tiff so as to include all 20 of my birthdays...That is all :D

Celebrating 2 Decades of Tiff

My dearest friends, and other readers of this blog, it is with pride and joy that I announce that in 2 days I will be turning 20! I will now pause while you cheer for me and receive odd looks from the other people in Panera. I have been alive 2 decades which is 20 years which is 1042.86 weeks, which is then 7,300 days that goes into 175,200 hours which is then 10,512,000 seconds. Yes, I did just use the calculator on my computer. Now, we all know I like to do things up right especially for such an awesome occasion as this. You're about to ask me what I'm doing aren't you? (If you weren't I'm not a mind reader so I can't be right all of the time). Even if you weren't I'm going to tell you. The mom and sister are going to Baltimore for a Volleyball National Qualifier Tournament and are leaving on my birthday. They asked me if I wanted to go, but honestly I'd rather not spend my birthday getting beat to death by volleyballs hit by girls half my age and twice as tall as me. Instead, I will be visiting my lovely friend Amy at Duke for the weekend!! Yes, I am driving down by myself. Yes, I do have directions, and yes I am going to get lost at least once. We're going to one of my favorite restaurants The Melting Pot (I already went to another restaurant on my top 5 list with the fam to celebrate earlier this week), if you haven't been there go...right now. I'm serious. So I know how I'm celebrating my birthday but what am I to do on here for it? Let me tell you I thought and though about it and I decided I would post my 20 Favorite Birthday/Happy Memories (20 is a lot of numbers) also accompanied by some pictures from previous birthdays. This will obviously be rather lengthy, so I'm dividing it up into 2 posts, this one and the next one. Some of these memories could possibly be classified as "lame", but they made me feel good so therefore they are not lame and if you think they are you should not be reading my blog kthanks :) Also, these are in no specific order just how they come to me. And now without further adieu, my list...

20 Favorite Birthday/Happy Memories

20. Having my friends give me 3 surprise parties for my 16th Birthday.

19. Tiffapalooza, 'nuff said.

18. My eighteenth birthday altogether.

17. My ballerina party (I was turning 5) when even my most tomboy friend (who shall remain nameless, you know who you are haha) dressed up as a pink ballerina.

16. My Princess party (birthday #6) when Cinderella came to my party to sing me Happy Birthday.

15. Going to the Homestead for my 16th birthday

14. Having Amy drive up from Duke for one day to surprise me for my 19th birthday

13. My Easter Egg Hunt Birthday Party (I can't remember which one, but Easter was that week how cool!)

12. Making Amy and Daphne sing Karaoke with me on Tiffapalooza

11. Mom making the "How well do you know Tiff?" quiz and seeing the answers everyone wrote down (Bday #18)

10. Carmen taking me to Texas Roadhouse, telling the cute waiter it was my birthday and then having to stand on the table while everyone "yeehaw'd" me.

So ends the birthday part of my list, more may appear in part 2...stay tuned!!

Love,

Tiff

The Dreaded Day....

Hello my dear friends and blog readers (one in the same I assume)

Well, it's that time of year again: Flowers are being bought in huge bouquets, chocolates are being made in heart shaped containers, diamond rings and other accessories are being purchased by nervous guys hoping and praying for a yes.

On the flip side: tissues, ben & Jerry's, sappy love movies, and horror movies are being bought either on or the night before the so-called holiday that we celebrate by women in sweat pants whose eyes shoot daggers at any man to pass by them.

I fall in neither category. I had an early Vday with 2 awesome girl friends of mine, two of us are single and the other has a bf who is currently in basic training. We celebrated early so I could be at church, but we had a blast and I had more fun that I would on a date with a guy. Here's my 5 reasons why:

5. I dressed up for my friends. This means they noticed things girls notice that we women WISH guys would notice. Like "That color looks SO good on you!" "What a pretty necklace!" "Your hair is AMAZING"

4. No awkward "Who's paying" debacle. A HUGE plus.

3. We didn't have to worry about the "kiss goodnight". We all know that ain't happening.

2. No awkward conversation, AND we didn't have to worry about what to get...well except for dessert...which pie to pick!

1. I had so much fun. Nothing was awkward or forced, and we could be totally open. Afterward we could just go back to my house and watch funny Youtube videos while we were in sweatpants and tee shirts.

Now, I'm not saying I wouldn't love to go on a date with a guy. However, if you know me you also know I have the potential to be really awkward. So ladies and gents of blogland, I dedicate this blog to you. Happy Valentines Day.

If you're single: Happy Single's Awareness Day (SAD for short). And don't worry, they'll come along at some point. Until then, smile and be happy you don't have to go on an awkward date.

And if you're a sweet, single, Christian guy between the ages of 19 and 23, with a sense of humor who likes long walks on the beach, reading, dogs, chocolate, funny movies, and has a thing for slightly off yet funny entertaining 19 year old girls with short brown hair and a big sense of humor....

Just Kidding!...about the long walks on the beach

Happy Valentine's Day Y'all!

Slightly off Balance

First off, I apologize to anyone who has suffered withdrawal from my lack of blog...so while I work on my NYC blog(s) here's one to keep you entertained...

I've recently been looking through some pictures of mine, due to a transferring of files from one computer to another. This act has caused me to remember oh so many things about myself, and also come to a certain realization on something: I have the potential to be "normal", however, I seem to upset the scales a little. Not too much, but enough to make a difference. So, sporadically, as they come to me, I will post my "Tiffalities" as opposed to "normalities". Here's the first that came to mind:

The Dear Fellow in the Passenger Seat

Last Summer, the kid's ministry I work with (The Filling Station- www.tolm.net/tolm/the_filling_station) at my church went to the IPHC General Conference. IPHC is International Pentecostal Holiness Church. Basically, all the pastors and the other important people from the IPHC all meet once a year at General Conference to discuss all the important stuff about the church. Obviously, I did not go to that part of it what I did go to was our part of it- the kid's ministry.

Quick rabbit trail on that: IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!!! Yeah, I was up at 7am and usually didn't get to sleep until like 12am or later but it was so worth it!! I performed a magic show, the kids were AWESOME and a TON of them got saved which made the entire thing worth it.

Back on the other trail:

We all had to drive down to Greensboro, NC. "We" consisted of the staff of the Filling Station consisting of: Parents, me, 3 other teens, and of course some of the kids. However I'm the oldest teen so the other teens had listen to me :) Along the way, we stopped by God's Pit Crew (an AWESOME ministry! Check it out!) because they were storing some stuff for us...nothing too important just our entire set and everything we needed down there basically. We realized when we got there we would have to put some things in other people's cars. All of the other cars were basically full with luggage and other random roadtrippy things (like other people and children). However, I was the only one in my car (Coincidence? I think NOT!). Now everyone else took the normal things we had: Lights, cords, a few minor styrofoam set pieces (ok I know that sounds abnormal but it's totally normal at the Filling Station where everything but our faith is made out of styrofoam). Now let's take a look at my car.

First of all, I drive a Candy Apple Red 2006 Toyota Solara. Everybody else there was driving either a big rig, mini van, or suv. Compared to those giants, I have a 2 door Barbie car, that I love dearly. In this car so far was me, my other small car aka my suitcase, a 12 pack of mtn dew, and a collection of CDs that yes I did sing to- loudly and off key with choreography. We added to that 2 normal items: Candy (3 boxes of it in my trunk and backseat and YES it made it there uneaten...due to the fact of where it was located) and styrofoam dinosaur bones (the theme was "Night at The Museum: God's Word Comes to Life!...yeah awesome I know). The other...thing...well...I'll let the picture show you:

That deer fellow (HAHA I love puns) in the passenger seat is just what you think it is and exactly what you don't expect it to be. Yes, it is a deer head but its not a real one. His name is Buck and he is one of our character at The Filling Station. He's animatronic, so he talks...and moves and well we weren't just going to throw him in the back of someones car! So we buckled him into the front seat of mine!

Along the way to Greensboro, I passed a variety of Big Rigs. In one, there were 3 younger guys about my age. They passed me, I passed them and they gave me some odd looks (and not just because of my staggering beauty either HA). About five minutes later, they pass me again...this time with cameras. I'm still looking for the pictures on facebook, myspace, and Bass Pro Shops.

That's it for now, if you think of more instances where I am slightly off balance, leave a comment and I'll be sure to write about it!

Love y'all,

Tiff

Top 5 Guys

Over the course of the past week or so, I have devised a list of my Top Guys. Top guys being guys that I would date, or that have qualities I find important in a guy. Just for the record, only one of these guys/men is real, the others are characters but hey a girl can dream!!

5. Logan Huntzberger

Logan Huntzberger, son of Mitchom Huntzberger in the hit series Gilmore Girls aka my favorite show.

Why he is Top Guy Material: Let's face it, the boy is hot. The perfectly messy hair, the perfect angles of his face, and well he's just hot. He is also very sweet and will admit when he's wrong...most of the time. He has a great sense of humor, a huge selling point for me. He does really sweet things unexpectedly, and knows the importance of a Birkin Bag.

Why he is not number 1: He's conceited, and well if I was a guy and looked like that I probably would be too. However, that's not an excuse. He's also slightly immature and is too much of a partier for me.

4. Jess Mariano

Jess Mariano, Rory's 2nd boyfriend on the hit series Gilmore Girls. Ok, I like Gilmore Girls its not my fault that all the guys are top guy material!

Why he is Top Guy Material: I started out not liking Jess, he had that whole rebellious-teen thing going on, which I do not like at all. Later though, he wrote a book, got himself together and totally changed my perspective on him. He is into the whole artsy thing, which as we all know is VERY important to me. Also, he reads (which I'm addicted to) and understands literally references and humor. Oh, and let's not forget...again he's hot, I think hotter than Logan just looks-wise. The deep brown eyes, the hair (again perfectly messy or as Luke describes it "did you do your hair with a razor?!") and what really gets me is the smirk. It's cute, it's hot, and it adds mystery. If a guy had a smile like that, I would definitely date him.

Why he is not number 1: Again, the teenage rebellion thing. I don't like it, plus he's REALLY moody. Must come with the artsy territory.

3. Westley/ Dread Pirate Roberts

Westley, the farm boy later turned to the Dread Pirate Roberts in the movie The Princess Bride. I had to include both pictures because, well he had two different names so he needed two different pictures.

Why he is Top Guy Material: He marries a princess, so he's prince material and I, being a somewhat princess, obviously find this important. He is quick witted, skilled in fencing, and insanely handsome, not to mention he saves a damsel in distress and comes back from being "mostly dead". He has a sarcastic sense of humor, but is so smooth and confident you can't help but love him. Come on, he's basically a prince.

Why he is not number 1: Although confident, he can come off as arrogant. Plus, the dread Pirate Roberts doesn't take prisoners...well except for 1 every like 5 or 10 years. Also, he's married...and not real...well neither were the others so far haha!

2. Lance Burton

Lance Burton Master Magician, the longest running act in Las Vegas. Awarded Magician of the year 2 years in a row, and a Member of The Royal Dynasty of Magic the highest award a magician can ever receive.

Why he is Top Guy Material: Starting from humble roots in Louisville, KY he worked his way up to the Master Magician he is today. He is a truly spectacular magician and trick designer. He does everything with the grace and confidence of a true magician, but manages to keep the audience entertained an laughing. Not one to be conceited, he frequently performs for numerous charities across the country. He will admit when he is wrong, and when something was stupid. Such as, he attempted an escape from a roller coaster and BARELY made it!! Stating afterwards, "That was stupid...that was REALLY stupid." on a t.v. special. Also, check out the smile ;)

Why he is not number 1: He's at least 40...and while I don't mind a guy being older than me that's old enough to be my dad.

1. Jim Halpert

If you watch The Office, you knew this was coming. Jim, basically the perfect man.

Why he is Number 1: Ok, I know Jim is not real**Pause for all the girls to cry** but here's why he is number one:

-He is low maintenance

-Confident, not conceited

- He is insanely laid-back, and oh so smooth

- Very cute, just look at him!!

-Amazing sense of humor, will do anything for a laugh

-Serious, but at the same time just goofy enough to keep you laughing

-So sweet and considerate

-Creative (I mean who else would think of putting someone's stapler in jello?!)

All of this was fun, but I'll leave y'all with a quote I just came across that I'm pretty sure describes how I will know who my real number one guy is:

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." -Dr. Seuss

Love Y'all!

Infomercials

Hello again my faithful blog followers!

Today's theme is infomercials (bet you didn't guess that one). I love infomercials!! I want basically all the items I see. However, after some late night t.v. watching, I have developed yet another Top Five list. For those of my dear friends reading this: Yes, I am serious and yes I really do want these and yes my birthday is March 26 :)

-5. The Perfect Brownie Pan

Yes, you read that right negative 5. I started this list with the idea in mind that all of these would be items I want. I worked on this list bizackwards (starting at 1, so technically forwards but bizackwards from the way you are currently reading it) and I felt that I must include this simply because this may be the one infomercial product I despise, loathe, and all together am just not fond of, with that in mind...

Why I do NOT want this item: I hate side brownies. Sick, gross, ewwy, chewy, yuck. I prefer the middle ones, and really who eats the edges?! (0:45 in video) I have NEVER seen that! NOBODY LIKES THE EDGES!! If you do, I'm not implying you're nobody, just disturbed and I can give you the number of some people who can help you with that :). The patent pending design isn't helping their case much either. The one thing I do like about this commercial is the brownie ideas- aka the banana split brownie I had never heard of or tried those before and oh goodness are they good!!

Things included besides the product:

-Stencils!! Wow...like I couldn't free hand a circle (fyi I can).

- Recipe Book

Things I do like: I like the integrity of this item...no cutting brownies. The less I'm around knives the better. I'm sure it'd great for rice krispy treats and that kind of thing....maybe even cake squares, but for heaven sake not brownies!!

5. One Touch Can Opener

Why I want this: Ok y'all I do realize I don't cook...at all. However, I still want it for those few times I do cook. I am not one of great strength, and I hate can openers after a (literally) scarring incident which involved a cheap can opener and my poor tiny hand. This item, however, eliminates any possibility of me being cut or otherwise scarred by said can opener and everything can be done with the push of a button!!

Things included besides the product: The Gripmate (included absolutely free) is also a plus, its a JAR opener!! Yes, ladies and gentlemen a can opener and a jar opener- not in one but close enough.

What I don't like: I haven't tried this out, so it might not work. Plus, this whole can opening thing could be avoided if I just didn't cook. :)

4. Big Top Cupcake

Why I want this: I LOVE cupcakes!! They are basically the only thing I can bake and not burn, undercook, or otherwise ruin the integrity and actual being of. (Yes I realized I just ended that sentence in a preposition, but I couldn't find a way to reword it...did I mention it's late?) Anyway, I know for a fact this product works as one of my sister's friends made her a birthday cake using this exact mold and it looked just like, if not better than, the pictures!! Woah, crazy I know!! It also has a MAGIC INSERT if you want to fill it with ice cream, pudding, another kind of cake, money, or illegal aliens (well it is 25 times bigger than a regular cupcake like I'm actually doing that math..). I think the best part about this item is the commercial, I'm not kidding. Now, it's no Billy Mays masterpiece (may he rest in peace) but it made me laugh. I have included the video above... now, fast forward to 0:50 and watch the kids in the background....

Yeah, you're laughing too, don't deny it.

Things included besides the product:

-Magic Center Insert (again for those fugitives you're harboring and just need a way to get them out of the house)

- Idea Book (They mentioned a clown cake...not sure how I feel if that's the best they can do)

-3D cookie cutters (a $20 value absolutely free!)

What I don't like: The cake pieces look weird, I know it's stupid but i mean the pieces are oddly shaped and HUGE!

3. Bottle Tops

Why I want this: I am forever running into the problem of de fizzed canned drinks. I like can drinks for 2 reasons: 1) They taste better no because they don't have a plastic-y taste and 2) They are the perfect size. This item is the perfect solution to my problem!! Plus, they won't spill in my immaculate car or at my desk at work.

Things included besides the product: As far as I can see, the only thing included is 12 of the item. When in the world will I need to simultaneously drink 12 canned drinks at once?

Things I don't like: I'm pretty sure it will leak...I'm a skeptic.

2. The Jupiter Jack

Why I want this: Many reasons, mostly because Billy Mays makes me believe I NEED this.

I talk on the phone and drive (bad I know....shame on me) and this solves my problems!! Yay!

Things included besides the product: Not one, but 2 Jupiter Jacks!! For my second car...

which I don't have.

What I don't like: Despite the credibility of Billy Mays, I'm not sure if this will work due to

my iPod FM converter thingamabobbit not working correctly!!

1. Roomba

Why I want this: It's a ROOMBA!! Don't tell me you don't want one too!! It'd be perfect for my room, since I hate cleaning and vacuuming. Plus, its a robot!! So not only does it suit my nerdiness, it must follow the 3 laws. It works, as I've seen, and I WANT IT.

Things included besides the product: Nothing, but why would I need 2 and what is cooler than this?

What I don't like: It's a little creepy, it knows too much and I can totally see it starting to clean just when I fall asleep.

You Might be Tiff's friend if...

While changing computers I came across this file I forgot I had, constructed by my friends and myself. It started off as a "How you know you're Tiff's Friend" list, then inspired by Jeff Foxworthy I turned it into the list you see before you! Feel free to add to it!

You Might be Tiff's Friend if...

- You never directly call Starbucks for their hours, you just call Tiff because she already knows them...for all the locations in The Burg.

- You never leave the table at a restaurant to use the bathroom first...you never know when if might be your birthday!

- You don't consider it odd if a 19 year old girl has her bedroom decked out in Disney Princess merchandise

- you automatically think someone is mad when they have a deep southern accent

- you don't consider it odd to meet a friend at Vinny's while she is in mime makeup

- Hot pink no longer burns your eyes

- you know all the words to most broadway songs, and deeply dislike showtunes

- You know all the words to Taylor the Latte boy

- You don't really like theater,but you go to at least one play every two months

- you know who laquisha sha nay nay and/or La Fawnduh are

- You refuse to get in a car with Tiff as the driver ever again

- you attend her 19th b-day party and nothing has changed since the 5th one, including the theme

- You start saying ya'll without realizing it

- you're no longer shocked that a girl who cannot correctly pronounce "epitome" reads 5 book a week

- You can finish the phrase "Life is like pool...."

- you don't think it's weird for someone to carry 3 decks of cards in their purse, 2 of which you are not allowed to touch

- you're not offended when she says "I kill you"

- you're surprised you don't have to give your friend directions to place in lynchburg, aka their hometown

- When someone says "I have a new magic trick..." you automatically groan and walk away

- you no longer have to ask "where'd you get that?!" you automatically assume J.Crew.