Pet Names

It has recently come to the attention of some, if not most, of my friends that I detest “pet names”. I don’t mean Fluffy or Rover, not in the least, I mean when two people are in a relationship and they start to call each other the “lovey-dovey-makes-me-want-to-kick-something” names. While having a conversation with a close friend over why I would make faces every time she called her boyfriend “Babe” or “Baby” I came to the conclusion I must share my motives with my lovely readers. I’m going to go through the most used pet names, and tell you why I don’t like them at all, one by one. I’ll be honest, for the most part I dislike these names I’m specifically mentioning because they are very overused, and while it may be okay for some people, I don ‘t want a cookie-cutter relationship because I’m not a cookie-cutter girl. As a side note, there are in fact some names I do like…they mostly have to do with bakery items. If a nickname has a cute story to go with it, then it's totally understandable and freaking adorable. Example: in Tangled, Flynn Ryder called Rapunzel "Blondie", could just be me and my tendency to like the rogue adventerous types but that's adorable. Some people claim I don't like pet names because I'm bitter due to my singularity. While I’m not single by choice, I'm going to have to be content waiting for God to bring "him" into my life and I'm not settling for less. Also, you must realize some things are better single. I can’t think of any right now, but for the time being let’s assume I’m one of them.

Baby

What do babies do? Look cute, eat, sleep, poop, smile every now and again, and cry. What in the world is attractive about that? Dictionary.com defines “Baby” as thus:

1. An infant or very young child.

2. A newborn or very young animal.

3. An immature or childish person.

4. A human fetus.

Newborn or very young animal…hm why not just call me Puggle? Aka a baby Platypus. I can understand someone being ok with being called “childish” as in child-like. However, any man with half a brain knows better than to call his girlfriend immature.

Justin Beiber also overused this word enough for the entire human population.

So ladies and the 2 guys that read this, next time your significant other calls you “baby” just think “Human Fetus”.

Babe

I dare you to tell your girlfriend, “That’ll do pig, that’ll do.”

Hon

Most overused name ever. I am guilty of using it though, but only for my friends, which s fine. I don’t know what it is but whenever someone calls their significant other hon it just seems forced – like they’re trying to say “Look! I’m in a relationship! We call each other cutesy names to make others around us feel awkward! You’re going to die alone! Blah blah blah”. I hate this name because it’s an abbreviation to a nickname. If you’re going to shorten this you may as well ask “WYMM?” instead of Will You Marry Me?

Honey

Hated only by association with the name “hon” – I consider this a Bakery item, making the full word ok as long as “Hon” is never used. Ever.

Angel

Oh for heaven’s sake! I like being put on a pedestal and all but PLEASE do not think THAT highly of me! I would find it a little creepy if my boyfriend thought I was THAT perfect, I would probably nickname him “Crazy McStalkerson”.

Dove

Yes, I’ve heard this one before – heck, I’ve even been called this before. Doves are almost the same thing as a pigeon, same family just a different species. They both poop on cars, people on the beach, and statues.

Treasure

I will only accept this name if the guy/girl calling you this is either a legit pirate, or is dressed like one. No exceptions. If you have a boyfriend that does that exactly, but you’re sick of him…send him my way :)

That'll work...

Precious

Does he also ask what you have in your pockets?

Disclaimer: I find it fine if married couples call each other these or any other pet names. They've already made a life long commitment to each other. This doesn't apply to engaged couples because while they're more serious than dating, they still haven't actually made that commitment yet.