A friend of mine (who shall remain anonymous) recently went to a psychiatrist to get checked out. She talked to me about it, and after us both laughing about it she wanted me to write a blog about if I were the one going instead.
This is that blog.
I have decided after much thought that I should probably never go to a psychiatrist, there's wayyyy too much room to mess with them. Follow me here:
Step 1 - I'd have to call to make an appointment. I would imagine it would go something like this:
Secretary: Psychiatrist Office
Moi: Yes, I'd like to make an appointment for myselves.
Secretary: Okayyy, and how many of you are there?
Me: Four and a half, Nadine is preg-o.
Step 2 - Meeting the Psychiatrist
Doc: Hi I'm the doctor
Me: *snarl* *crow like a rooster* *eye suspiciously* "Glitter the Unicorn doesn 't trust you."
Step 3- Being Interviewed by Psychiatrist
Doc: Do you have any hallucinations, or hear voices others don't?
Me: I'm sorry what was the question? That talking monkey next to you is very distracting.
Of course after this whole ordeal, I would be committed to the institution. I estimate I'd last about a week, if that, before they threw me out.
Day 1:
Nurse: Hi Miss Allen, it's time for you medicine. *pulls out shot*
Me: Leaping cupcakes Batman!! Is that a shot or a feaking DART?!
Nurse: You will feel a slight pinch.
Me: Who are you again, and why are you pinching me with a dart?
Later I would get to interact with other patients...
Day 2:
Patient #1: Elloha oviela! Ia peaksa onlya igpa atinla.
Me: ....wanna play chess?
*10 minutes later*
Patient #1: HECKMATECA!!!
Me: Dang...
Me: Hi, I'm Tiffany
Patient #2: I read minds
Me: That's cool, me too, but I need cards for that.
Patient #2: Show me
*insert card trick*
Fast forward to an under-the-table gambling ring in the supply closet.
Unknowing nurse enters: What the heck?! Give me those! Get back to your rooms!
Day 3:
Cards taken away my sanity slips futher. I end up making my own deck out of paper towels and sharpies. They are taken away again.
Day 4:
Attempt using coin tricks, which leads me to becoming a bookie. My ring of comrades and i start placing bets on what the orderlies will do if we irritate them.
Day 5:
Day 4's plans were a stupid idea, I'm caught...again and put in confinement.
Day 6:
They attempt to give me another shot, with a bigger needle. When I react by screaming and attempting to force my way out of the room they put me in a straight jacket.
Day 7:
Nurse #1 : Miss Allen time for- uh...
Nurse #2: Where'd she go?
Nurse #1: And how the HECK did she get out of that straight jacket?!
Guess I should have told them about my magical powers too.
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