Today, I discovered one of the best things ever. Did you know, DC comics modeled a superhero after me? Yeah, true story. Don't believe me? Check this out:
WEIRD!!! She looks like me too...oh right and to get even weirder:
1) She looks like me, even more
2) She was on Smallville meeting CK
3) My birthday is March 26
DC, please credit me as the real Zatanna. Much love :)
At the beginning of the Summer, my housemates (mom and sister) and I went to Myrtle Beach. My second favorite place in the world, behind Disney. I completely forgot to bring a cover up, and as every girl knows it's just awkward to ride in an elevator and walk through the lobby in just a bikini.
Although I missed the "always be prepared" thing in Girl Scouts, I did learn the importance of improvising from theatre. Which lead to me using my Super-awesome shirt as a cover up.
While I could make this whole post about the looks and smiles I got from the college guys there, suffice it to say there were a lot of those. No, this story revolves around a little boy around five or six years old.
After being on the beach for awhile, I was going back up to the room - which was on a higher floor so I obviously wasn't going to walk. Ok, I wouldn't have walked even if we were on the second floor.
It was around noon, when the elevators are swamped with parents and their kids headed to their rooms for either lunch or aloe. Have you ever noticed the awkward silence in an elevator? I've noticed kids are totally immune to it! It's so great! Anyway so there I was, in an elevator with about 4 parents and 2 kids in my Supershirt.
The awkward silence encompassed us like a hazy mist, until the sun broke through. That sun was in the form of a five or six year old boy who at that moment turned to his dad and said, "Dad, why isn't Supergirl flying to her room?"
Then a little girl a little older than him interrupted this beautiful moment with, "She's not Supergirl! She's not real." There's one in every crowd....
The best part was the dad's answer, said completely deadpan "I don't know, why don't you ask her?"
As the boy (and smug little girl) turned to me, the elevator reached my floor. Before I stepped out though I looked at the boy and said:
"It was too windy, I tried earlier today but the manager asked me not to anymore since I kept breaking windows."
I then winked at the girl and went to my room.
Best. Elevator ride. Ever.
I may even venture to say it was super.
(As a side note: it was ridiculously windy that day, and part of the hotel was under construction so some windows actually were taped up/broken looking.)
When you're a magician, sometimes you just like to mess with people. As a female magician, people definitely don't expect anything magical from me (except my charm- just kidding) so when a situation presents itself I tend to take advantage.
The other day, I was walking out of a store. I reached into my purse to get my keys, when one of my playing cards fell out. There was a woman and her little girl behind me, and the little girl reaches down to pick up the card for me.
I said, "Oh don't worry I got it!" and made it levitate into my hand.
Needless to say, she flipped out. The best part was the mom didn't see it, so next thing she knows her daughter is going, "MOMMY! MOMMY!! SHE'S MAGIC!!! SHE MADE A CARD FLY TO HER HAND!!"
The mom looked at me and I nodded in agreement, then disappeared through the door to my car.
About a year and a half ago I gave y'all a list of my "Top 5 Guys". Well, it's been awhile so let's add to the list!
Marshall Mann
If you don't watch "In Plain Sight", you should. Not only is it an awesome show, it has Marshal Marshall Mann. Yeah, that's his name, and he's a man after my heart.
Reasoning:
He is insanely nerdy, and knows random facts you will never have to know.
He has a deep, wonderful voice.
Protective of his girlfriend and friends.
Flynn Rider/ Eugene Fitzherbert
Before you ask, no I don't see a problem with him being a cartoon/CGI character.
Reasoning:
Charismatic
The whole bad-boy thing, but he ends up being SO SWEET
Adorable, just darling
Also so very funny, a dry sense of humor (which I LOVE)
Ryan Reynolds
Just so y'all know, it took me 15 minutes to find a picture of him, do you know how hard it was to choose just ONE?!
Reasoning:
He's hilarious! If he's that funny/quirky in movies then some of that must have actually rubbed off for real life right?
He was the Green Lantern, one of my FAVORITE DC characters of all time.
Let's be honest, have you SEEN this man? Mainly, the smile.
As if I didn't have enough series that I haven't written about in awhile let's add another shall we?
A few months ago, I purchased the best shirt ever. This shirt is epic for numerous reasons: it fits me perfectly, it's black and red which both look stunning on me, I had to get it a size SMALLER than usual, it sparkles, it's extremely comfortable, the list goes on and on. However, my favorite part is this: It's a Superman Shirt.
That's right, a Superman shirt. The best thing is, every time I wear it something happens. By "something" I mean an entertaining conversation of some kind. This is my documentation of those encounters, let's begin!
Adventures of Supergirl 1
A few weeks ago I went on a short road trip to Duke University to visit one of my dearest (and obviously intelligent) friends. I decided to dress comfortably since I was going to be driving for awhile and, just having gotten a speeding ticket the week before, I would be adding a lot of time to my travel.
I stopped at my usual place, a Mickey D's/ convenience store. I had gotten my tea and was browsing through the candy. While lost in thought over how one of the many downsides to being a sugar addict was the inability to choose candy quickly, a guy about my age bumped into me. Being a gentleman with an apparent sense of humor he responded with, "Oh sorry there Supergirl!"
I looked up to tell him it was fine, but to be more careful next time as bumping into superheros can be potentially dangerous, and at this point he actually saw what I looked like (before my hair had been blocking my face). I was temporarily speechless as I am whenever I make eye contact with a guy, at which point he said,
"Oh, I'm sorry you're definitely a Lois Lane."
What followed was a slightly awkward conversation as I'm a slightly awkward person by nature, but we both realized we shared a love of DC comics. A few minutes later we parted ways, he towards VA and I to NC, but not before he wished me a safe flight.
If you've been following my facebook, you'll know this past weekend I went to Nashville, TN for a BALLIN' concert. Florence and the Machine and U2. Epic? Yes. However the description of the awesomeness that ensued is for another post. I'm going to talk about the awesome people around us. Let's continue.
We were mainly there for Flo (sorry Marc and Amy), but I was still excited about U2. We got REALLY close to the front, I could almost touch Bono (AWESOME). Before the show, we got to know the people around us - considering there was no personal space...at all. The main character in this story is referred to as "Awesome blue guy" or "Awesome Guy". He was a REALLY tall guy around his mid 50's/early 60's, wearing a bright blue shirt. Oh right, he was also Welsh and had a kickin accent.
Before the show he was telling us how excited he was to see Bono...again. "I'm gonna be like 'HEY BONO!' like I'm his best friend!" in his awesome Welsh accent. Later, he was talking about dancing to a college guy beside us, "Man, don't make me break out the shopping cart!" The accent made it 10x better.
The temperature outside, where the concert was, was around 95. Not even kidding. It was SCORCHING. We smartly stayed hydrated. However, a 13 year old kid beside us obviously did not. He started stumbling around and in 3 seconds turned white. No lie, WHITE. The kid's dad, was a jerk. "You're fine! Shake it off." Even I knew the kid was going DOWN. So Awesome Guy puts his arm around the kid and goes "Fine, I'll get him out of here." The idiot dad is saying "He's fine, he doesn't need to go anywhere." Then the kid's knees went out.
Imagine 4 girls, us and the awesome chick beside us, moving a crowd of 300. We did it. Awesome guy puts his arm around the kid to help him walk, they got halfway out and the kid collapsed. Then, Awesome literally picked up the kid and carried him to the EMTs.
Where was the dad this whole time? Following behind like an idiot, I would have loved to smack him.
What does this story teach us? Good people still exist. Awesome guy was obviously insanely excited and had an awesome place to see the stage. However, he didn't hesitate to give it up and completely miss the concert to take care of a kid who's parental unit was not doing what they should have been.
The storm raged outside, the young woman sat inside with her trusty pup by her side. The lights flickered, a crack of lightening, she checked outside to see a tree split. In the distance a fire truck sped to it's destination, but she remained inside safe from harm oblivious to the intruder outside.
There he sat, wet in the rain underneath the bushes as lightening sounded around him. Through the flashes of light he saw the woman in the window, unaware of her impending doom. She'd never find him, so he thought, he knew where to enter the house without her detection. He slowly made his way across the patio and went inside.
She eased as the storm wound down, and made her way upstairs.
He had made his way inside and was ahead of her, already waiting in the kitchen. He heard the door squeak, he sat there silently, there was no way out now.
She opened the door, the dog barked, she screamed a blood-curdling wail and jumped on the sofa with the dog.
If you get the reference the title makes, I totally know why you continue to read my blog. If you don't, google "Green Lantern Mantra".
Now, back to business.
This past week I went to the beach with my family. It was so lovely and relaxing. Also full of compliments from guys...by "full of" I mean two. Which is two more that I've had in the past month. But who's keeping count?
Anyway, one of the most interesting encounters I had happened at a 70s, 80s, and 90s store.
I was looking for a Green Lantern Tee shirt, preferably vintage looking. This store had the BEST tee shirts, however I ended up not getting any as you will soon see why.
I did find a GL tee, but as they were men's sizes I needed a size or two down from what I normally wear. Since those sizes weren't out, I did a gutsy thing and *gasp* went to the front to ask if they had some in the back!
Allow to me describe the two gentlemen working:
#1- CUTE CUTE CUTE! Nerdy, glasses, and a shirt that said "If there was a problem, yo I'll solve it" with a calculator on it. I hope to one day meet him again...at an altar
#2- What you would expect to work in a 70s, 80s, and 90s store. I think he still lived with his mom...
So I went to the front and ,of course, went to cute guy (c'mon it's me, what'd you expect?). I asked if he had the shirt in a smaller size and he responded, "What size does he normally wear?"
I then gracefully and not spastically at all (yeah right) said that I was single and the shirt was for me. He smiled a dazzling smile and said "Oh that's cool!"
Que me melting...
Thenn there was guy #2.
As I was in the process of fawning over guy #1, guy #2 says in a whisper- but loud enough for me to hear - "That's hot."
I looked at him.
He looked at me.
I said..."Thank...you?"
He said, "Oh you heard that?"
Guy #1: "Uhm...sorry about him."
Most awkward moment of my life.
Let's hope guy #1 likes cute, nerdy, awkward girls!
Friends, fans, fellow plane passengers, I have deactivated my facebook account. I'll be back at some point don't worry about it. However, even though I know I graduated high school some others apparently haven't realized that and proceed to act like immature 15 year olds. I'm sick of seeing it everyday so instead I just deactivated my page.
This has been awesome for me amazingly, I've become a LOT more productive. I just wanted to give y'all the heads up because everyone seems concerned they can't find me. So, no I did not defriend or block you - just taking a break from cyber networking.
Blog posts will still be up! Stay tuned for "Summer conference 2011!"
Allow me to give you some background on this blog before I begin:
A friend of mine (who shall remain anonymous) recently went to a psychiatrist to get checked out. She talked to me about it, and after us both laughing about it she wanted me to write a blog about if I were the one going instead.
This is that blog.
I have decided after much thought that I should probably never go to a psychiatrist, there's wayyyy too much room to mess with them. Follow me here:
Step 1 - I'd have to call to make an appointment. I would imagine it would go something like this:
Secretary: Psychiatrist Office
Moi: Yes, I'd like to make an appointment for myselves.
Secretary: Okayyy, and how many of you are there?
Me: Four and a half, Nadine is preg-o.
Step 2 - Meeting the Psychiatrist
Doc: Hi I'm the doctor
Me: *snarl* *crow like a rooster* *eye suspiciously* "Glitter the Unicorn doesn 't trust you."
Step 3- Being Interviewed by Psychiatrist
Doc: Do you have any hallucinations, or hear voices others don't?
Me: I'm sorry what was the question? That talking monkey next to you is very distracting.
Of course after this whole ordeal, I would be committed to the institution. I estimate I'd last about a week, if that, before they threw me out.
Day 1:
Nurse: Hi Miss Allen, it's time for you medicine. *pulls out shot*
Me: Leaping cupcakes Batman!! Is that a shot or a feaking DART?!
Nurse: You will feel a slight pinch.
Me: Who are you again, and why are you pinching me with a dart?
Later I would get to interact with other patients...
Day 2:
Patient #1: Elloha oviela! Ia peaksa onlya igpa atinla.
Me: ....wanna play chess?
*10 minutes later*
Patient #1: HECKMATECA!!!
Me: Dang...
Me: Hi, I'm Tiffany
Patient #2: I read minds
Me: That's cool, me too, but I need cards for that.
Patient #2: Show me
*insert card trick*
Fast forward to an under-the-table gambling ring in the supply closet.
Unknowing nurse enters: What the heck?! Give me those! Get back to your rooms!
Day 3:
Cards taken away my sanity slips futher. I end up making my own deck out of paper towels and sharpies. They are taken away again.
Day 4:
Attempt using coin tricks, which leads me to becoming a bookie. My ring of comrades and i start placing bets on what the orderlies will do if we irritate them.
Day 5:
Day 4's plans were a stupid idea, I'm caught...again and put in confinement.
Day 6:
They attempt to give me another shot, with a bigger needle. When I react by screaming and attempting to force my way out of the room they put me in a straight jacket.
Day 7:
Nurse #1 : Miss Allen time for- uh...
Nurse #2: Where'd she go?
Nurse #1: And how the HECK did she get out of that straight jacket?!
Guess I should have told them about my magical powers too.
Well y'all, summer is quickly approaching! I'm crazy excited for the annual Summer Conference I go to with my awesome Bible Study, RUF. However, over the past month or so I've come up with some things I want to accomplish this summer.
Here's that list:
1. Make an A in all 4 Summer Classes
2. Go on a 2-day White Water Rafting/Camping Trip
3. Go Boating and water skiing
4. Film and edit Magic Competition Video (possibly Pirate Themed)
5. Read all three Lord of the Rings Books
6. ...and watch the movies
7. Memorize 3 piano pieces, at least one will be classical
UPDATE: I've decided to add "Learn to Juggle" to the list! My goal is to be able to walk out of Kroger juggling 3 oranges by the end of the Summer
Why am I telling you this? To keep me accountable of course! After I accomplish each I will cross it off this list and post a blog about my adventures in achieving it. Believe me I will make each one an adventure.
Till then, my friends with an insane amount of exams, and the ones graduating soon: KEEP YOUR SANITY, YOU'RE ALMOST THERE!!!
As I may have mentioned once or twice, my relationship status on Facebook is non-existant.
However, within the past few weeks or so I have become oddly ok with being where I am relationship-wise. Actually, I enjoy being single quite a lot, and quite honestly have come to a point where I don't want a boyfriend right now (I know I think I've gone crazy too). I don't have to worry about not spending enough time with someone, stupid fights over nothing, being jealous, or any of that stuff that can come with relationships.
Having this new frame of mind has given me a wonderful ability to objectively look at how relationships in the society I live in tend to work. Allow me to explain:
1. Guy likes girl, most likely met her in a group of friends or was introduced by a friend/friend-of-a-friend.
2. They may hang out in a group once or twice. Then quickly move on to step 3.
3. Guy and Girl go on a one-on-one date. Most people consider this a "Serious" stage.
4. Guy and Girl go on more dates, never going out with anyone else less they be ridiculed. Que texting stupid things - including pet names.
5. Guy and Girl have "DTR" or the "Defining the Relationship" talk. This ends in either A) They become a couple or B) They realize they don't want the same thing and it ends bitterly.
6. If you go to LU yo're engaged in the next year. Ok just kidding y'all.
That's the way dating DOES work where I live - or at least in my experience. I don't like this system. Here's the way I think this should work:
1. Guy and Girl meet - I don't care how but they do.
2. Hang out with their friends (mutual or otherwise) in groups numerous times.
3. Guy asks Girl out on a date. However, both are still free to date other people.
4. If date goes well, they continue. If not, then let it just die out - it wasn't serious to begin with so it won't be that hard to get over them. May start texting/calling each other a little more after the first date.
5. Go on other dates, and have the "DTR". Texting/calling may advance and petnames may ensue.
6. After and ONLY after the "DTR" do I consider a relationship serious. Meaning I'm not free to date anyone else afterwards.
Obviously, I like my system better. Hanging out in groups is great, it relieves the stress on each person and let's them "be themselves" a little more. Also, I think you should get to know the person better before you commit to spending a few hours alone with them. If you don't know them that well you may have just bought yourself a full two hours of listening to nothing except for their vast knowledge about cults. Yes, I'm speaking from personal experience there.
I really hate it when people think going on one date means you're exclusively dating that one person. I see no problem with me casually going on a date with one guy on Friday and a different guy on Saturday. Not that it's ever happened, but still you know what I mean.
Dating is supposed to be fun, and I feel like the system now takes the fun out of it. There's too much stress involved in it, and really who needs more of THAT?
Situation 1: One of the people you invited can’t keep a secret.
1. Don’t tell them until the day before.
This will give them less time to blab. Take their cell phone, laptop, iPad, iTouch (anything “I” for that matter). They will find a way to destroy the secret that is the surprise party.
Remove all contact they have with the surprisee including fire because smoke signals are making a comeback.
2. Kidnap them.
This goes along with the first suggestion, only do it right before the party don’t tell them where you’re going, also utilize step 2.
Situation 2: A non-invited guest (whom you’ve never met) invites the surprisee to do something else that night.
1. Attempt to talk surprisee out of going with non-invited guest (aka intruder).
2. When that fails, for about an hour you must assume creeper status and follow the list below.
a. If you have the intruder’s phone number, call or text them the situation; if you don’t have their number proceed to step B. Also invite them as a courtesy. Crisis averted, if intruder is an idiot and doesn’t change plans proceed to step C.
b. Utilize social networking. Before proceeding you must: turn off all non-computer lights, don’t wash your hair or exit your room for a week. Now you’re ready to start stalking. Find the intruder on a social network (preferably the less sketchy Facebook) and send them a message. DO NOT I repeat DO NOT write on their wall as the surprisee will see it. Duh. If they don’t get the message, find their cell phone number (most likely on their page) and go back to step A.
c. If the person refuses to change plans, there is only one thing to do. You will need Duct tape and a nerf gun. Duct Tape said person and keep them in a closet until the party is over. Also temporarily steal their identity and use them as a cover for the party by inviting the surprisee to their unknown party.
Situation 3: Let’s assume you live with the person for whom you are throwing the surprise party. You decide to make cupcakes, but alas surprisee has told you they are coming home early. Now you can’t make the cupcakes. What do you do?
1. Use the kitchen of another guest. Make sure to take all supplies; don’t forget the beaters for the mixer.
2. Load things into car, and get there ASAP. If the surprisee comes home while you are loading the car, proceed to step 4. If you have already made cupcakes that are obviously for a birthday and need to get them to your car, go to step 5.
3. Make cupcakes, and revel in your spy-like stealthness.
4. If the surprisee catches you with cooking materials (i.e. frying pan, butter, anything out of place in your car) make a lame excuse. Such as, “I’m ending World Hunger!” or “(insert friend’s name) needs help making cupcakes for the children at the hospital so I’m going to help her.”
If you have already made cupcakes that are obviously for a birthday and need to get them to your car, go to step 5.
5. So you’ve already made SOME cupcakes, obviously for the surprisee’s birthday but they aren’t in the car yet. Wait until your surprisee goes into their room/shower and then GET OUTTA THERE. You may need to stall, here are some tips:
a. Talk to them; convince them to take a shower or nap. Small insults will be forgiven after the party. b. Eat pretzels or chips. c. Drink Orange juice. A good line, “I don’t know why but I’d really like some orange juice!” Also a good idea if they ask why you haven’t left yet.
Situation 4: You have guests who suffer from Chronic Lateness.
1. Tell them the party is ½ hour earlier than the actual time – trust me it works.
Situation 5: Surprisee is late to their own party or tried to back out.
1. Tell them to GET THERE NOW. NO EXCEPTIONS.
2. Bribe them.
3. If all else fails, tell them there’s a party. Then blame it on the person you kidnapped because they couldn’t keep a secret.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Hello again my lovely readers! Yes, even if you happen to have a Y chromosome you’re still lovely.
After my last post, I had some well-meaning and curious friends ask me what nicknames I DO like, and what I find attractive in guys. Honestly, they may just be trying to set me up – but I gave them a list anyway. I felt I should share it with y’all so you know I’m not a complete relationship pessimist. We’ll start with pet names.
Anything that is in a Bakery
Including but not limited to: Honey, sugar, sweetie, sweetheart, and scone.
Names with stories behind it/meaning
My favorite kind! Think about Kate from Lost – how Sawyer called her Freckles? Freaking adorable.
I had a guy call me “Daisy” for awhile, as in Princess Daisy, not the duck. He said it fit me perfectly because while I was still girly I could still hold my own with the guys and was pretty nerdy once you got to know me. Like I said, adorable.
While this isn’t an actual nickname, it has the same principle. Remember in The Princess Bride how Westly/Dread Pirate Roberts told Buttercup, “As you wish” when he wanted to say “I love you”? Yeah, just try to tell me you didn’t just go “aww”.
If your significant other calls you anything on my list of hated names, but there’s a story behind it then that’s ok. This is a loophole.
Actual Nicknames
I LOVE it when guys I like call me Tiff. It’s hot. Any other variations (i.e. Tiffy, Tiff-Tiff, Tifferson, Tiffy-Tiff-Tiff, Tiff Tifferson, etc.) just irritate me.
Some people just call me “that magic chick” that’s ok. However, I prefer “Princess of Cards” thank you very much, which was a nickname was given to me by a fellow much more experienced and impressive magician.
As a side note, if I ever get a tattoo that will be on it…with the Ace of Spades.
Almost Anything in a Country Song
Hello Darlin’…
See? There ARE acceptable pet names out there – even a loophole in Tiff Law. Not such a pessimist now, am I?
Moving on, I tend to like a different type of guy altogether. It has changed in recent years. All in all though underneath my preppy exterior is the heart of a nerd, and a nerd/geek lover am I.
Smart
I love intelligent guys! I don’t mean like “I made straight A’s, and can tell you how far away the sun is from the Earth.”
I mean the “I can use Linux, read binary code (both ASCII and Binary-coded decimals), have read Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings series multiple times, and can recite Pi to the 15th decimal.”
I cannot tell you how awesome and attractive that is to me.
Funny
Yes, I realize most girls want this in a guy. However, I have a…let’s say “different” sense of humor. It is very important to me that my future boyfriend share that same sense of humor. Otherwise, the relationship will be doomed from the start. Think 52I like puns, nerd jokes, and…ok let’s be honest I find almost everything funny. Find me a guy who thinks I’m funny and you’ll have found yourself Tiff-boyfriend material.
Looks
They don’t matter to me. Do I have preferences? Of course I do, but if a guy isn’t “my type” looks wise and completely is personality wise he becomes my type real quick.
Reformed Christian
This is non-negotiable. Must be a Christian, must be Reformed. If we can’t agree on what I try to make the center of my life, how in the world are we going to agree on anything else?
Tolerable
I don’t mean I should be able to tolerate him. No way. I mean he needs to be able to tolerate my insanity either by smiling and playing along, or by encouraging it even further. Preferable if he is slightly more insane than I am, if that’s possible.
There you go my loyal readers, proof I’m not a pessimist! Just simply hard to please.
Now…stop calling me a bitter pessimist or I’ll come after you.
It has recently come to the attention of some, if not most, of my friends that I detest “pet names”. I don’t mean Fluffy or Rover, not in the least, I mean when two people are in a relationship and they start to call each other the “lovey-dovey-makes-me-want-to-kick-something” names. While having a conversation with a close friend over why I would make faces every time she called her boyfriend “Babe” or “Baby” I came to the conclusion I must share my motives with my lovely readers. I’m going to go through the most used pet names, and tell you why I don’t like them at all, one by one. I’ll be honest, for the most part I dislike these names I’m specifically mentioning because they are very overused, and while it may be okay for some people, I don ‘t want a cookie-cutter relationship because I’m not a cookie-cutter girl. As a side note, there are in fact some names I do like…they mostly have to do with bakery items. If a nickname has a cute story to go with it, then it's totally understandable and freaking adorable. Example: in Tangled, Flynn Ryder called Rapunzel "Blondie", could just be me and my tendency to like the rogue adventerous types but that's adorable. Some people claim I don't like pet names because I'm bitter due to my singularity. While I’m not single by choice, I'm going to have to be content waiting for God to bring "him" into my life and I'm not settling for less. Also, you must realize some things are better single. I can’t think of any right now, but for the time being let’s assume I’m one of them.
Baby
What do babies do? Look cute, eat, sleep, poop, smile every now and again, and cry. What in the world is attractive about that? Dictionary.com defines “Baby” as thus:
1. An infant or very young child.
2. A newborn or very young animal.
3. An immature or childish person.
4. A human fetus.
Newborn or very young animal…hm why not just call me Puggle? Aka a baby Platypus. I can understand someone being ok with being called “childish” as in child-like. However, any man with half a brain knows better than to call his girlfriend immature.
Justin Beiber also overused this word enough for the entire human population.
So ladies and the 2 guys that read this, next time your significant other calls you “baby” just think “Human Fetus”.
Babe
I dare you to tell your girlfriend, “That’ll do pig, that’ll do.”
Hon
Most overused name ever. I am guilty of using it though, but only for my friends, which s fine. I don’t know what it is but whenever someone calls their significant other hon it just seems forced – like they’re trying to say “Look! I’m in a relationship! We call each other cutesy names to make others around us feel awkward! You’re going to die alone! Blah blah blah”. I hate this name because it’s an abbreviation to a nickname. If you’re going to shorten this you may as well ask “WYMM?” instead of Will You Marry Me?
Honey
Hated only by association with the name “hon” – I consider this a Bakery item, making the full word ok as long as “Hon” is never used. Ever.
Angel
Oh for heaven’s sake! I like being put on a pedestal and all but PLEASE do not think THAT highly of me! I would find it a little creepy if my boyfriend thought I was THAT perfect, I would probably nickname him “Crazy McStalkerson”.
Dove
Yes, I’ve heard this one before – heck, I’ve even been called this before. Doves are almost the same thing as a pigeon, same family just a different species. They both poop on cars, people on the beach, and statues.
Treasure
I will only accept this name if the guy/girl calling you this is either a legit pirate, or is dressed like one. No exceptions. If you have a boyfriend that does that exactly, but you’re sick of him…send him my way :)
That'll work...
Precious
Does he also ask what you have in your pockets?
Disclaimer: I find it fine if married couples call each other these or any other pet names. They've already made a life long commitment to each other. This doesn't apply to engaged couples because while they're more serious than dating, they still haven't actually made that commitment yet.
So, I have entered an online magic competition, and have made it to the top 8!! YAY!!
Here's where you come in: I need votes!! Right now I'm in 3rd, but I'm the only female magician in this and quite honestly I really want to win. How can you help me? Follow these 3 easy steps:
3. Leave me a nice comment telling me how much you liked it! The site will ask for your email address, but they don't spam you or sell it to other companies. They just need to make sure you're not a cheap robot. The comments count as votes but the judges check it through name and IP address, so instead of cheating just get everyone else to vote.
The other day, I was talking with an acquaintance in class about our friends. I came to realize I had a lot of "friends". However, I also realized that my Best Friends were the ones you read about in Chicken Soup books. Here are 3 of my most recent stories on them (put in a series) - note: all of them are different friends and names have been taken out to preserve their humbleness. Plus, I didn't ask permission to mention them on the blog :).
If it looks like a thug, tries to talk like a thug, it's probably a nerd
Tonight, I had class. It was a night class from 7-9:40, at CVCC in a dark scary parking lot. The majority of people in my class honestly scare me a bit. They've never done anything to me, but their demeanor scares me. Long story short: They're thugs. Straight up, chains etc. thugs.
I am not.
Big surprise I know, so tonight when I went to class I decided to look more thug-ish. So I went to my J.Crew and Old Navy infested closet to look for thug clothes. I came out with: Dark jeans, black shirt, chain-like necklace (don't judge it was last season), and leather jacket. I was thug.
I pulled into the parking lot and parked by a chain link fence, sketchy at best. I then walked in with some of my classmates, I was on time so they weren't sketchy...that sketchy.
When I sat down I texted my dear friend (referred to as Friend #1 from henceforth) Here's the convo:
Me: Can I avert thugs by wearing a leather jacket and chain like jewelry?
Friend #1: Haha no they're still gonna mess with you
Me: Dang homie
Friend #1: Haha why are you trying to avoid thugs?
Me: My night class, I don't get out till like 10
Friend #1: Can you find someone to walk out with?
Me: Only if I sell my kidney... or liver
Then class started so I stopped texting to pay attention. When we reached break, before I checked my phone a thugish guy beside me saw my notes. He said "Hey girl, can I ask you a question?" I being my usual self said "Yeah ok" thinking it'd be inappropriate at best. He then responded, "How'd you get your notes to print out all neat like that? I mean you look like you know computers but is it easy?"
So much for me being thug. I then explain the process via MAC and PC. I'm a nerd.
When I checked my phone, I found this text:
Friend #1: You're parked under a light, you'll be fine.
Moral of the story?
A friend will tell you "you'll be fine" when you tell them you're parked in a sketchy parking lot. Best Friends will stalk out your car to tell you your fine, you're parked under a light.
WARNING: If you are a Twilight Fan read no further, I'm not and I express this vehemently. Thank you.
I hate Twilight. I'm sorry those of you who are reading this that didn't heed my warning, but it's shallow and a TERRIBLE influence for the young girls reading it. Really girls? "I want a guy like Edward..." last I checked he: watched Bella sleep, alienated her from her family and friends, and is always "around" meaning he follows her. Not Ok. Bella on the other hand? "She's so awesome". Moody, dependent completely on Eddy for happiness and when she can't be with him tried to kill herself? Nope, don't think so.
Parents who are reading this, don't fret for there is another book series your children can read and actually (gasp!) learn too!
The Harry Potter Series.
I'm a Harry Potter Fan, if you think it's Unchristian, let me know there's a book you need to read. The entire series is so blatantly Christian it's wonderful - but I digress.
Here is my proof that Harry Potter is better than Twilight. These were found on mylifeistwilight.com and averagewizard.com - one thing I noticed on the Twilight site the "flops" and "Top 100" had a surprising amount of overlap. Hang on to your wands 'cuz here we go!
Exhibit A
Twilight: Today, I realised my hair is bown jus like bellas! :D MLIT
1) What color is bown?
2) You JUST realized your hair color? I don't care if you just learned to read
you know the color of your hair!
Why HP is Better: Today I looked up events on my birthday and found out that the exact day and year I was born was the day Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone was published. I always knew I was born on a magical day. MLIM
HP fans know basic facts, like our birthday and hair color for that matter.
Exhibit B
Twilight: Today I dreamt of my own version of Edward. Average height, green eyes, soft lips, and pale cold-skinned. Life would be so much easier if I weren't in love with him, but I can't help it. If i could dream, it would be about him because someday we will be together. MLIT
HP: Last night, I had a dream that I went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I was having such a great time in the dream, and I was just about to enter the castle, when I realized I had to pee very badly, and woke up. Never have I been so disappointed with my bladder. MLW(as)A(lmost)M
Please note the Twihard said "I dreamt" and then said "If I could dream", I'm seeing inconsistencies. However, us cool HP fans CAN dream, DO dream, and dream about REAL things...ok "magical" things but real nonetheless.
Exhibit C
Twilight: On May 1st i went to Columbus Ohio. Me and my mom and aunt and people we met went to a mall. and we see lifesize Edward and jacob cutouts. of course i got and Edward one. Now i am for sure taking Edward to prom. CANT WAIT! MLIT. = ]
HP: I told my boyfriend how I anxious I was for the cast list of my school play to go up. He replied "accio cast list". I threw my arms around him and told him I loved him, to which he replied "works like a charm". M (boyfriend)IM
HP 2: On December 17, 2010, my boyfriend proposed to me at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, right in front of Hogwarts castle. Is he the one? Dern straight. I said yes. MLIM
HP fans have ACTUAL boyfriends that are not only punny (works like a charm heh heh) and sweet but don't have to kill us...sorry, suck all of our blood...to get us to marry them.
Exhibit D
Twilight: Today, me and my BFF Jessica went to see a movie. i looked for motorcycles guys to give me a ride so i could see Edward's face like Bella did. (: MLIT.
HP: My little brother was really nervous to be starting high school because he had a really hard time with bullying in primary school and didn't have any real friends, so i told him neither did Harry but he found them at Hogwarts. He isn't as nervous anymore. OLAM.
Twilight teaches, "Miss your bf? Put yourself in a dangerous situation you'll see him!" HP teaches us valuable life lessons that can be used to help younger generations with self esteem issues. HP= Practicality, not danger. Well, unless you count Granger Danger but that's another story entirely.
Exhibit E
Twilight: Today as I'm driving down the highway i do what i usually do and look at other cars. As i do this I'm thinking of how amazing it will be to see Eclipse. The first car i see is a deep blue car brand: ECLIPSE....ironic. MLIT
HP: Today in Health class, we were writing and drawing about ourselves. One of the things we had to have was a slogan. Mine? "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light." MLIM.
HP: I skipped sleep last night so I was barely making it through class today. In my last class I set my head down and tried to fight off the sleep and thought "It would be so awesome if the electricity would go out so class would be cancelled." Right as I finished that thought I heard gasps and when I lifted my head everything was dark.I always knew I was a witch. MLIM
Instead of misusing "ironic" we quote Dumbledore, and the quotes make sense and are inspiring too...WHAT? I know I just blew your mind.
Exhibit F
Twilight: today, i bought a volvo with my college money, my parents dont know yet...MLIT
HP: I was super excited when I was admitted to Transylvania University, a rather selective private university that is over over 250 years old. And then I found out about the 7 year curse. And the two tombs in the administration building. And ANTH2604: Magic, Witchcraft & Religion. And then the quidditch team, which went to the Quidditch World Cup. In October we had a Sorting Hat Ceremony and in December a Yule Ball. Completely true story. You can google it. MLIM
Instead of wasting our COLLEGE money on cars that look like a fictional character's car, we go to college. Yes we invest our money in HP paraphernalia but we don't waste it behind our parent's backs for the most part.
Exhibit G
HP: I noticed that Voldemort calls Bellatrix "Bella." Nice choice to name the villain, Rowling. MLIM
"It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live." Albus Dumbledore
"The idea for Twilight came to me in a dream." Stephanie Meyer
The other day, I was talking with an acquaintance in class about our friends. I came to realize I had a lot of "friends". However, I also realized that my Best Friends were the ones you read about in Chicken Soup books. Here are 3 of my most recent stories on them (put in a series) - note: all of them are different friends and names have been taken out to preserve their humbleness. Plus, I didn't ask permission to mention them on the blog :).
If it looks like a thug, tries to talk like a thug, it's probably a nerd
Tonight, I had class. It was a night class from 7-9:40, at CVCC in a dark scary parking lot. The majority of people in my class honestly scare me a bit. They've never done anything to me, but their demeanor scares me. Long story short: They're thugs. Straight up, chains etc. thugs.
I am not.
Big surprise I know, so tonight when I went to class I decided to look more thug-ish. So I went to my J.Crew and Old Navy infested closet to look for thug clothes. I came out with: Dark jeans, black shirt, chain-like necklace (don't judge it was last season), and leather jacket. I was thug.
I pulled into the parking lot and parked by a chain link fence, sketchy at best. I then walked in with some of my classmates, I was on time so they weren't sketchy...that sketchy.
When I sat down I texted my dear friend (referred to as Friend #1 from henceforth) Here's the convo:
Me: Can I avert thugs by wearing a leather jacket and chain like jewelry?
Friend #1: Haha no they're still gonna mess with you
Me: Dang homie
Friend #1: Haha why are you trying to avoid thugs?
Me: My night class, I don't get out till like 10
Friend #1: Can you find someone to walk out with?
Me: Only if I sell my kidney... or liver
Then class started so I stopped texting to pay attention. When we reached break, before I checked my phone a thugish guy beside me saw my notes. He said "Hey girl, can I ask you a question?" I being my usual self said "Yeah ok" thinking it'd be inappropriate at best. He then responded, "How'd you get your notes to print out all neat like that? I mean you look like you know computers but is it easy?"
So much for me being thug. I then explain the process via MAC and PC. I'm a nerd.
When I checked my phone, I found this text:
Friend #1: You're parked under a light, you'll be fine.
Moral of the story?
A friend will tell you "you'll be fine" when you tell them you're parked in a sketchy parking lot. Best Friends will stalk out your car to tell you your fine, you're parked under a light.
While exploring one of my favorite websites (thinkgeek.com) I found about a hundred kabillion things I want. The following series is the list(s) and explanations of these items.
B) Great for when the power goes out and your in the shower. Trust me on this one - there is nothing scarier than being in the shower when the lights go out. Plus, if it was the doing of an intruder how freaked out would they be to see the water is glowing?
C) The color changes as the temperature does - Blue for cold and Red for warm!
By sun, a normal umbrella. By rain, a shimmering rain protecting implement that has glowing raindrops AND the bottom lights up too so you can see where you're going (which is important for me, as I have a small tendency to trip on things I only think are there).
At this point I feel I have a confession to make, I have a thing for nerds. I don't mean the "oh, he likes math" kind of nerd - not at all. I mean the "I carry a calculator and pocket protector everywhere I go and can recite Pi to the 57th decimal" kind of geek. As a side note, I can recite Pi to the 15th decimal.
When you buy this heart, you must assemble it. That's the whole point! To put it together for your boyfriend/girlfriend/prom date/cute guy you have a crush on. In fact the website states:
"We won't lie...You'll need some basic soldering skills and it took one of our robotic monkeys about an hour to assemble one of these flashing beauties."
If a guy gave this to me I'd date him in a heartbeat.
Stay Tuned for the next in my series of Nerdocities!
Let's talk about my last post/facebook status (basically the same thing). Some people took this WAY too seriously, I do NOT hate Liberty. In fact, up until a week ago I was a student there. It's my understanding Liberty uses a 3rd party site filter and my blog somehow entered "adult content" it could have been something as simple as some words put together make some other words that would set the filter off (example: Mars Explorer). Liberty did not randomly find my blog and block it.
Now, I will definitely take most of the blame because I said "Liberty blocked my blog" what I should have said was "Liberty's filter blocked my blog". For that I really do apologize.
Now, let's talk about the LU haters. A few people said LU was infringing on my freedom of speech. They aren't making me stop writing my blog, so how exactly are they infringing?
Some others said they were censoring me, in the First Amendment nothing is said about censorship. See for yourself:
"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or
of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition
the Government for a redress of grievances."
-retrieved via www.usconstitution.net
If that was the case - wouldn't bleeping out cuss words be unconstitutional?
I'm also disappointed that people were so hateful when it comes to Liberty.
Liberty has every right to conduct their college the way they want to - Freedom of Religion. That IS mentioned in the First Amendment.
Here's my deal: I love Liberty, I think it is a great college. Problem free? Absolutely not, but name a college that is. If you don't like Liberty here's an idea: Don't go there.
I think it's funny, I've attended colleges other than LU. At other colleges I heard a LOT of Liberty bashing, but never once at LU did I hear bashing about another college.
In my opinion, the ONLY people allowed to complain about Liberty's rules are the ones forced to go there. Maybe because of budgetary restrictions, parents, or grades. Other than that, if you don't go there what in the world has Liberty done to you? Teasing about the rules is a whole different thing - I'm talking about honestly complaining and wanting to go to the press, dean, whatever with the rules.
Yes, I realize that TRBC and all ministries involved have a huge influence on Lynchburg. I don't see this as a bad thing - if you WANT a town with strip clubs, Hooters, what have you then move. What is wrong with keeping those things out?
I'm sorry if this came off a little harsh but really people can we act like adults? I'm friends with kids I work with at church on facebook I've had to delete multiple comments because of inappropriate language. I don't like reading it, and it doesn't help you sound more intelligent. In fact it does the opposite since you can't effectively get your point across without words that really make no sense when you analyze the sentence.
I posted the fact my blog was blocked because I thought it was funny! You can ask people -when they asked me about it in person I laughed! There is nothing bad on this blog, I even post things about my walk with Christ, hence the reason I found the fact it was blocked funny.
If this causes you to stop reading my blog, I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is my blog and I choose what to put on here.
Something was brought to my attention recently, and I found it hysterical and felt the need to share it with y'all.
For my overseas and out of state (or even city) readers, the town I live in is definitely a College Town - there are 5 colleges within 30 minutes of each other. One of which is the, apparently, famous Liberty University - a very conservative Christian university (although universities can't be Christian or Secular technically since they don't have souls but that's another post for another day).
Anyway, Liberty has blocked my lovely little blog from their students on campus. I find this hilarious because A) there is nothing adult on here other than me and that's because of my age. B) I frequently talk about my religion and what it means to me. C) I was a student at Liberty up until last week.
If anyone finds out why my blog is blocked please let me know so I can fix it.
Recently, a good friend of mine and I went to lunch. We try to do this often. but usually it works out once every two weeks. We have a grand old time, sipping sweet tea and eating biscuits. Of course there is talking about our lives as college students - hers as a wife mine as a magician (magic has taken the place of a boyfriend for awhile - I think it intimidates some guys.) Somehow, the topic of our grandmothers always comes up.
In short, both of ours are very entertaining. Mine because she can never get any one's name right and has a deep dislike of Harry Potter (which I like) and hers because she is just hilarious and one of the funniest people I've heard of, ever. This series of posts is devoted to her Grandmother who I will call "Wily Granny" and are 100% true (before you ask I have received permission from my friend to write these posts and she loves the idea).
Wily Granny is Kicked out of a Nursing Home
Wily Granny is a kind lady who enjoys helping others. This week she decided to volunteer at the local Nursing Home, serving the residents food, visiting with them, and being an all around lovely person.
Throughout the week, Wily Granny came to know a man who was paraplegic. He would talk to his family everyday via phone, however since he wasn't able to hold a phone a nurse or volunteer had to do so for him.
Apparently the week Wily Granny volunteered was the breaking point for this man. He complained loudly everyday about how he had no privacy with his family because the nurse was there.
Wily Granny being the big hearted woman she is, decided she was going to come up with a solution to this man's problem. She thought hard all day and all night for days.
Finally she had an idea!
She went in the next day excited about her plan, and armed with the supplies she would need. When the time came for the man to call his family, Wily Granny offered to help him.
After the nurse had left Wily Granny pulled out her well concealed roll of duct tape.
Then proceeded to duct tape the man's phone to his head, and left to give him privacy.
Somehow, the Nursing Home wasn't ok with this idea and politely asked Wily Granny to leave.
Stay tuned for "Wily Granny and the Parishioner Who Wasn't"
Wow really left you on a cliff hanger didn't I? Not knowing how my audition went, or anything...how jerky of me. Why on earth would anyone do that? It's one of the most annoying things I can think of - besides spiders and crying toddlers in movies/church. I mean really, there's a nursery for a reason and if your kid is scared of the dark don't take them to a dark room to see hugely disproportionate people/animals on a big screen with loud noises. The audacity...
Oh right, my story. We last left our two heroines (girl version of hero - not a drug) with Rach asleep and Tiff awake slowly going (more) insane.
Well, I finally FINALLY got to sleep. We woke up at 10, checkout was a 11. Us, last minute? Nevahh!
We then went to one of the coolest stores ever - the Yankee Candle Company. Ok, I know what you're thinking, "It's a candle store - what the heck?" Seriously y'all, this thing is like an indoor park, or a mall in and of itself. We were stunned when we walked in - there was a toy store, ice cream place, candles (of course) a whole Christmas section that you had to cross a bridge over frozen water to get to, and it snowed every 4 minutes inside there, we spent the whole day up until my audition there.
Now, I had been in the store before and I love it hence why I dragged Rach there. But lo and behold something I had not noticed before! You see, there is a huge clock when you walk in and every 30 minutes...well watch the video and see... (Yes that is me, and Rach is filming so you won't see her just my paint renderings of her).
So, we stayed there for awhile, I called my mom (while in Mrs. Claus's bakery) who offered her unwavering support.
Then, after a Dr. Pepper and a stop by 7-11 for a snack it was off to the auditions. To say I was nervous is so much of an understatement it's not even funny. I was literally shaking, on the drive over (why oh why didn't I let Rach drive?!) felt sick which never ever happens to me and when we pulled into a spot I was almost in tears. Like I said, nervous was an understatement.
Now, I could write a whole post on why Rach is such a wonderful and special friend. However, none of those things would ever amount to what she did when I turned the car off. I was visibly shaken/nervous (which never ever happens to me, I love performing for people!) so what does she do? Looks at me and goes "Ok, we're praying now." Needless to say, I felt so much better afterward and I strutted my magical self right in there.
If looks could kill, nobody would ever make it to the auditions alive. I'm serious, everyone looks at you like "you are my competition, you will not live to see another hour." It's intimidating and scary.
When I finally got through the line to check in, the guy at the desk looked at me and in a very unenthusiastic tone said, "Let me guess, you're a singer/actress?" I smiled and said "Well, I can be but I think you have enough of those. I'm actually a magician." Best. Reaction. Ever. "Oh my gosh, that's so cool and SO much better than a singer/actress. I bet you're crazy good too, here go fill these out asap I'll get you in as soon as I can - I don't think the directors can take many more songs!"
I filled out my application and went to the waiting room - woah. Remember what I said about looks killing? Oh yeah, lucky I'm alive. See, for the most part you could tell what people were doing. There were 4 categories:
Musician Classified by: No Headshot with them Large, encumbering instrument All black ensemble If Male, most likely lack of social skills
Dancer Classified by: 75% were redheads (it was also for Irish Dancing - I kid you not) Long, slender legs Tall Had crazy awesome dance moves
Singer/Actress
Most were auditioning for both so we'll just put them together.
Classified by: Practicing songs/monologue LOUDLY Binder with song/monologue Grouped in center of the room Bright "look at me" clothing Evil glare in eyes that said "I will murder you if you're better than me"
Variety Acts/Other
Classified by:
Me and a guy who rode a unicycle while juggling...he also had a rubber chicken.
While you could usually tell right off what someone was auditioning for (binder= singer/actor, dance shoes=dancer, rubber chicken= juggler) people for the most part thought I was cocky or were just plain intimidated by the fact I had everything memorized since they assumed I was a singer/actress. The fact I was playing with cards did nothing for them.
The casting directors were expecting 100 people to show up...200 came. I auditioned 6 hours later. By this time, Rach had decided to come keep me company. I tried to get her to sing (she has an amazing AMAZING voice) to intimidate the other people...but being the nice person she is she said no.
I'll spare you every last detail of my audition, however, I will give you my opening line, "Today, I was going to perform Chopin for you on my cello. Unfortunately, I seem to have misplace my cello, so instead I'll be doing a magic show for you."
The judges were obviously very refreshed by this, if you want to see the 3 tricks I did for them just let me know next time you see me - I carry them with me. Seriously - it was Cards, Rubberbands, and more cards how can I NOT have them with me?
When I left and met back up with Rach, Sweet Mama T (my mom) had called and said she didn't want us driving back late so she'd pay for another hotel room. SCORE! So we checked back into the hotel (Tim was very happy to see us).
We then proceeded to go to Chili's since niether of us had eaten since 12. We ate like pigs.
Then it was back to the hotel and back in the nice fluffy beds.
We rose the next morning and headed back home, content that our trip was a success. I'll find out Saturday if I got it or not!
Update: Well, looks like I didn't get the job, but next month I'll be auditioning at Tweetsie Railroad in Boone, NC so wish me luck!
P.s. If you leave me lots of nice comments I may upload a video of me performing :D
