A Busch Gardens Odyssey Part 1

As I mentioned in my previous post, my friend Rachel (referred to as Rach from henceforth) went to Williamsburg for my audition at Busch Gardens. Here's our story (and yes, my audition story too).

I wasn't lying when I said we were pirates, I had a whole soundtrack full of pirate music. Ok, it was mostly Pirates of the Caribbean but still it was epic and made Rach smile when the Lafawnduh docked at her apartment.



After driving awhile, and after almost causing a few accidents (I have no idea why people were staring at two girls dressed at pirates), we stopped at a local tavern for ale...ok sweet tea.



3 hours, and not ever lost later we arrived at our hotel, our new friend Tim checked us in - adorable Russian or some kind of accent. I had to call 3 hotels before I found one that would let someone under the age of 21 checkin how stupid is that?



For those of you who noticed the suitcase, yes that is the "I HATE NATURE" one. For the rest of y'all who have no idea what I'm talking about, stay tuned. Anyway, we then got all dolled up and went to Carabba's, the best darn Italian place outside of Italy. We also ate wayyyy too much, but it was so dern good.




We went back to the hotel and after I practiced (for hours, and hours) finally went to sleep to prepare for the day ahead of me!

Why I Hate Being A Magician

In case you haven't been keeping up with my facebook or haven't seen me in person let me get you up to date real fast. In the past 3 week I have: lost my job, re-enrolled in school, and have been preparing for an audition as a magician at Busch Gardens. Still single, still awesome.

Ok, you're caught up.

This post is mainly about the last thing listed - I'm auditioning to be a magician at a theme park. HOW AWESOME. Hypothetically if I DO get the job then I'll get comp tickets, awesome experience, get to meet lots of people, and get paid to do what I adore. I see no bad side. Well, my family does - I'd move to Williamsburg for the Summer but even they're excited about coming to see me. So really, no bad side.

Obviously I've been practicing a LOT. I mean way too much - I'll put it this way: my hands are chapped and cut from handling my card so much. I'm gonna need a mani before the auditions. Anyway, all this practice has made me realize there are some things about performing that I really don't like. Watch out - here comes one of my famous lists! (Also as a warning another list will soon follow this one "Why I LOVE Being A Magician" but I figured I get the bad out of the way first).

As a side note: I decided to do pictures in MS Paint (Mac version of Paint) so yes, I know the pics aren't the same caliber as my usual artwork, but I thought I'd put them in there anyway. If nothing else for laughs because they are truly awful haha!

Now, without further adieu, my blog.

1) "But You're a GIRL!"




Apparently, people automatically think I'm an assistant not a magician, and are shocked when I tell them I don't have an assistant - I am the act. I cannot tell you how many times this has happened to me. Seriously apparently magic is the one this women "aren't allowed" to do. I have taken into account to well meaning people who are just surprised and still come up with an alarming amount of people who think I'm not allowed to do magic, that I just get cut in half.

WRONG.

I actually had person tell me "Your place is in the box, in feathers and sequins not saying a word. You are a disgrace to the art." The sad thing was this person was a magician. I then thanked him for his opinion and then proceeded to go on and perform my show (which I was later told was better than his). Of course, we should congratulate this individual for being able to even form a coherent sentence since his single-celled brain was currently busy trying to inhale and exhale.


2. "Oh my gosh, are you like Criss Angel?!"



Are you being serious right now? The only thing we have in common is we both wear too much eye makeup. I don't catch myself on fire intentionally, walk around without a shirt on, or claim to have supernatural abilities. I'll give him this: he is a great showman I just don't agree with all of the ways he presents magic. Also, he is pretty hot - not really my type though.

3. "Can you do a trick like right now?!"



People seem to ask me this at the most inconvenient times. Most of the time, it will come up in conversation and my well-meaning friends will say "oh this is interesting - Tiff does magic!"

Cue domino effect. The first two reasons on this blog are also the first questions that people ask me. Then, after they've gotten to know me or they get bored some hours late they find me like a bloodhound and beg and plead for me to do a full out show. When I say "Oh, I'm sorry I don't have anything to do it with!" They go "Oh, fine, you're not legit then if you need "stuff".

Well ex-CUSE ME Princess but last I checked I needed cards, or coins, or a person with a brain to perform magic. Stick that in your juice box.



So ladies and gents of Blogworld, there are my reasons. Don't get me wrong - I adore magic and like I said I'm working on a "Why I Love Being A Magician" blog. However, its currently 4 pages long...single spaced :).

Wish me luck on my audition! I have a great friend going with me so it'll be a blast!

Blog to follow on the trip...her mom (who is now my favorite person ever) got us eyepatches and swords for our adventure since I already had the pirate hat.

P.S. Thanks Heather for feeding the fish :D

-Tiff

Smoke Detectors

Call them what you will - smoke detectors, fire alarms, beige circles of death - I now hate them thanks to this past week.

The First Battle:

There I was, fast asleep in my comfy warm bed when I hear a chirp, thinking it's my computer which I left on I curl up and back to dreamland I go - nope. Fifteen minutes later I hear the same sound and I realize its not my computer in fact it is the beige circle of death outside my room. Up two flights of stairs I go to get another battery in the process waking up my mom. I get back downstairs, at this point I've failed to mention we all like to sleep with it cold...our house is the Arctic at night and I'm in a night shirt, basically I'm freezing.

I climb on the chair shove the battery into its slot and go back to bed since I had to be up at 7. Almost asleep am I when I hear it, "CHIRP" dang it I put the battery in wrong. Back on the chair I go (which I SWEAR got taller), now our ceilings are high so I have to look UP to the smoke detector, so when I open the battery door the loose battery falls out and smacks me in my face. I then proceed to lose my balance and fall off the chair. As I lay there in pain (luckily I didn't break anything) my only thought is "I'm the only person in the world who can say they've been attacked by a smoke detector".

Smoke Detector: 1 Tiff: 0

The Second Battle:

This battle takes place the next night around 9 - I've had a long day and I decided I deserved to relax, which in Tiffanese means bubble bath. I've just gotten into my extremely hot bath (it was freezing outside so it doubled as a Tiff-defroster too) when I hear it, not a chirp but 5 fire alarms going off at one.

First thought? House is on fire - make sure mom's awake. My little sis was downstairs with me so she was fine, also completely undisturbed by the 5 alarms going off. Up two flight of stairs I bolt in my very plush robe and find mom about to stand on a chair, by this point I realize there isn't a fire and it's just the beige circles of death rising up against us again. Obviously they're organizing. I end up changing 4 batteries without getting smacked in the face again (SCORE!) which is equivalent to every other fire detector in our house. However, when I go back down to my bath, it's cold. They crossed the line this time...

Smoke Detector: 2 Tiff: 0


The Final Battle:

The next day was Saturday, which means I get to sleep in longer since I went to work later - sweet right? Not if you're in a war against "protectors of the house". 6am, not even the sun is awake but you know what is? The fire alarms that's right. Every last one of them is going off - First, my sleep. Then, my bath. Now, my sanity.

I run upstairs with the pure intent of murdering these blasted things when I see mom on a chair...pulling wires out of them. I asked (ok more yelled over the noise) what I should do. She responds "I've got it go back to sleep".

Yeah, I'll do that.

By the time I get back downstairs to my room...silence. Eerie silence. My puppy has gotten in the bed with me since loud noises scare her and she tends to hide. Mom comes downstairs, a proud look on her face. I ask how she got them to stop. She calmly said "I killed them".

Being sleep deprived I muttered ok and went back to sleep. Of course when I woke back up I was like "WHAT did she say?" So I ran upstairs. There - from wires protruding from the wall hangs the detectors. Finally defeated.

They may have won the battles, but we won the WAR!

Final Score:

Circles of Death: 2 Tiff: 0 Sweet Momma T: 5

Tiffany vs Lois

Recently, I've been on a Superman kick. Ok, I'm always on a superman kick - but this time more than usual.

It's no secret I have a thing for the S-man, however he is taken by Lois Lane. Oh, right and also apparently not real (although there is a Metropolis, IL so I may start there). I personally think I'm much better than Lois Lane, and therefore much better suited for Superman. Here's my 5 reasons why:

1. My hair is better, yes I realize she probably didn't care too much about her hair - but seriously if you're going to date/marry (yes they got married) a guy like Superman yah gotta look good. Well, your hair should at least look as good as his anyway.

2. She dated Lex Luthor!! Who in the WORLD couldn't see the evil in that guy?!

3. She is always getting herself into situations she can't get out of and Superman has to save her. I'm smarter than that, while I would totally love him saving me - it wouldn't be required since I can get myself out of a rock and a hard place.

4. She liked Superman WAY before Clark Kent. The opposite is true of me, I liked the man not the power first.

5. Tiffany Kent sounds better than Lois Kent. (Even though she kept her name after they were married...but only real nerds know that).


I couldn't help it!! Ok I didn't line it up very well but whatever - it's still me and Superman :)

My Grown up Christmas List

Hello fellow reader, possible readers- at this point I have no clue. Currently, I have 204 views (Heck YES!) so someone must be reading right?

The holidays are coming ever closer, of course all of my dear friends know exactly where you will be receiving your presents from if they came from me. While browsing the web and looking through all the other blogs I follow, I came across many things I want for Christmas/fun/birthday/bribe-gift. Here's my list, not surprisingly it is very dorky. If you're surprised you have definitely not been reading for long and I welcome you!

Now, on with the list!

1. Snitch Necklace



Seriously y'all? I NEED this, especially for the LAST MOVIE PREMIER. Also, who else at my place of employment will have one? That's right none.

For better views and more awesome HP pieces:
Snitch Necklace

2. Choker

So there's this thing called Steampunk...and I'm obsessed. To describe it in a sentence, "What the past would look like if the future had happened sooner". I love the clothes, jewelry, colors, and inventions that are used in it. Here's a perfect example:




*Drools on floor* Must...HAVE!!

It's gorgeous and I could definitely still wear it to work and not get stared at, well anymore than usual.

Choker

3. Inanimate Object Stickers

No, I'm not kidding stop asking that. People at work already know I'm quirky and others keep taking my stapler, hole punch, and Green pens!! If there were faces on them I'd be able to reclaim my rightful possessions, while looking cute at the same time.



Here it is!

Cute Desk Stuff

4. Bumper stickers!!

I'll go ahead and save you time, most of you will not understand this one but I want it.




Link is here:
126.0.0.1

If you don't get this, stop reading my blog. Also, not talking about my in-ability to clean clear surfaces that lead outside.




Totally self explanatory.



Magician



5. Engagement Ring



Just Kidding!!

Contentment

Yet again it has been awhile since I posted, I started a number of posts but alas never seemed to be able to finish them. Here's my conclusion why: I have been merely content with my life.

My week consists of church, work, meeting with people at the same days and the same times every week. Rinse and Repeat. This was a life I swore I'd never have, so why do I have it? I'm not saying it's a bad life, not at all. I love my job, my friends, and the things I do with them -what I hate is the monotony. I am not a monotonous person, I'm spontaneous. I love to decide on a whim to go somewhere and do so, to look absolutely ridiculous onstage - unscripted, pull people out of their comfort zone, and of course to mystify. Now, I do none of these things. The last time I was onstage was my senior year of high school, I have retreated into myself so now I need others to pull ME out of my comfort zone, and I haven't perfected a new trick in months.

Who am I? I am sure as heck not the Tiffany Allen I used to know.

Now, I realize this could be me finally growing-up...ok stop laughing. There must be a way to combine being the boring, professional adult I've become, and the vibrant carefree one I used to be. To relate it to art terms, I need to combine the white, boring self I am and the bright red I was...therefore becoming the best color in the world: Hot Pink.

I feel the key to this is Magic. Not just the regular Disney Princess magic, no I mean my magic. The illusions I do, the card tricks, "mind-reading", all of it. The feeling I get when I look into a person's eyes and know they are mystified is what drives my madness.

This is my plan: my life will be magical.

I leave you with that my friends, I trust you will hold me to it. I want to love my life again.

I will be hot pink again.

What is wrong with the world?

Recently, I've begun to notice that the world we live in is becoming more and more negative. Everyday I hear something about the failing economy, student loans that seem will never be paid off, kids being put in jail for murder, the list goes on and on.

Really, with the promotion of websites like "FML" and "fwhyme", music that is based on abuse, and cuss words becoming more prominent we shouldn't be surprised. Just the other day, I was on the phone at work with a customer who was upset, I could sympathize with why he was upset but there was honestly nothing I could do. I offered to do anything I could over and beyond what I probably should have done and what does he do? Continues to all-out cuss me out I didn't even know some of the words he used. When I told him politely but sternly "Sir, I understand you're upset but I will not tolerate foul language and I will release the call if it is used again" his response was "Well they say it on tv". People, this is where we are at, grown men using curse words towards women because it was on tv so it must be fine. I can remember when that was unacceptable, a man would never treat a woman that way or vice-versa.

What is wrong with this?

What is wrong with "them"?

What is wrong with us?

So here I was, wallowing in the "why is this happening" and wondering what would happen if God hadn't already promised He wouldn't flood the Earth again.

Then, I came across this:

www.givesmehope.com

This is going to sound rediculous I know, but this site and all the ones related to it really do give me hope. Here's some of my favorites (as a side note LGMH=Love gives me hope GMH= Gives me Hope):

At Wendy's the other night, an elderly man was sitting by himself, looking depressed.
My 7-year-old sister Abbey suddenly picked up all her food and sat across from the man, then started telling him about her day.
Abbey, your LGMH.


I am a third grade teacher.Most kids come in with notes or messages written by their mothers in their lunch sacks. One little girl's dad left, and her mother abuses drugs. But her 12 year old brother never fails to write "I love you" on her brown paper bag.
He GMH.

Small things each of them, as are most if not all of the stories on the sites. To be cliche though, big things come in small packages. I make time everyday to read at least one page of one of these websites - truly, it gives me hope. Not hope that our economy will get better, people will automatically become more honest, or more respectful towards each other.

No, this gives me hope that not everything is going wrong. Some things are just, oh so right. A child's love for a complete stranger eating lunch by himself, a big brother's love for his younger sister, again the list goes on and on.

Despair, hopelessness, negativity, these things have an end. At some point the economy will turn around, people who do wrong will be punished for it, finances will work out - all of this happens at some point. We look back on it, and do not wish to relive the experience.

Faith, Hope, Love. These extend forever. Read old posts from the same website in a year, you will STILL smile and be uplifted.

Because, hope, love, faith...

...they go on and on.